Bah Humbug

Hi guys,

Hope you're all feeling full of the joys of Christmas. Now don't get me wrong, I love Christmas..I just hate the hustle and bustle that comes with this time of the year. I've just got back from my local shopping mall and I feel like I've had all the stuffing knocked out of me (pardon the turkey pun!) It took me three times to drive around the car park before I got a space and I was tempted to go back home, but I really needed to get my Christmas shopping done today, or else it will be even worse! The shops get busier with every passing day and I hate shopping at the best of times (unless its for new clothes, but I haven't been able to afford any for ages!)

I managed to get everyone something, except for Dad. He is so hard to buy for and I can't even buy him his favourite stuff this year (chocolate, whisky and ciggies!) for obvious reasons mentioned in my last post. I'll just have to get him a sweater or something and I can go online for that, although Lila ordered Mum a perfume set over two weeks ago now and they keep saying there are delays with the post because of the snow we had last week!

I'm going out with Lila tonight. She's just started a new job in our local american-style diner, as a waitress and because she's done the last two Saturdays, she's got the night off and so she's taking me there and using her staff discount! Excellent! She said their buffalo wings are great! Yum Yum. She also said that the manager is quite cute and he doesn't have a girlfriend. I thought she was going to go for him but she's trying to set me up with him instead,  because...Get this....He's too young for her! That is, he's below fifty! Haha.  I'm quite looking forward to it even if I don't meet him as it's a change of scene and I haven't been out in weeks.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend and I will catch up with you all again soon.

Until next time,

Callie signing off
xxx

 

Where has the year gone?

Guys,

What can I say? I'm so sorry I've been neglecting my blog lately. So much has been happening, you won't believe it all,if I tell you!

Firstly, I went to New York again to visit Lily. She was supposed to come visit me but, now that I'm back at my mum's house, there was no room and so she paid for my ticket over! How great is that? She is loaded though. They pay her a great wage, because she's appreciated. Anyway, it turned out not to be so great because I got there just as everyone was being evacuated because of the hurricane and I spent two weeks in Maryland with her aunt Bessie (no, she's not the one who makes the frozen chips!) and then, when I got home, my dad got rushed into hospital with, yet another, heart attack and this time it was worse. He stayed in for another couple of weeks and he's only just got back home now, but the doctors said he really has to cut down on his smoking and fatty food or else the next time could be his last. All my dad could say was, "Fancy telling me to do that over Christmas! That's the best time for fatty food and fags!" I do think he's scared though and is just putting on a brave face. He looks pale all the time, though, and I worry that this Christmas may be his last. Sorry for depressing you - I know that this column should be lighthearted, but life has been so stressful lately I've found it hard to look on the bright side and that is why I've neglected this blog.

I also split up with Nick, again, but this time it was him who broke things off. Just when I was starting to really fall for him, he told me that it wasn't working out. I thought we were getting on great, but he said he didn't feel ready for committment and that our recent trip to America made him realise that he wants to go back there to work. He's decided to buy himself another winnibago and spend the rest of his life travelling around the USA. So I'm single, yet again.

Anyway, now that things have settled down in my life, I'm hoping for a nice, quiet Christmas and I hope to update my blog at least once per week.

It's great to catch up with you all again. Until next time,

Callie signing off xxx

Don't worry I'm back!

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't posted for a couple of weeks. I've been away! It was very impromptu, but then that's me, isn't it - full of surprises!

I can't even remember how it all happened, really. I was out on a date, with Nick and it was going well. I must be growing up, a little, because his receding hairline isn't bothering me as much as it did, probably because he has a great sense of humour (although a little sarcastic, at times) and we have other stuff in common, too.

We were engrossed in some sort of conversation about America and he admitted that he missed it and would love to go back, some time. I jokingly said something about how I wanted to go back, too, as I really enjoyed my time in New York and then he said we should go together. I thought that would mean saving up for a while and going next summer when the weather would be nice, but he suggested we just jump on a plane and go for it! It didn't work out quite like that, though. It didn't matter for me, because I'm still currently between jobs, but he had to sort out some time off with his boss. It turned out most people had already taken their holidays and so we just went!

We decided on Las Vegas, in the end, because I'd already seen New York and Nick wasn't bothered about going there and he wanted to go to Arizona, where he used to live. I decided it would be more fun to go to Las Vegas and we could go to Arizona for a couple of days in between as it was nearby.

We had a great time. I really think I'm starting to have feelings for him. It's not a soppy kind of love, but then I don't think I've ever had that with anyone and so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Erin says I'm selling myself short and I shouldn't just go out with the first person who shows me any interest (lovely, eh?). We ended up having a huge row because I reminded her that her growing collection of exes was proof that soppy love didn't last, anyway.

I've also decided to really make a go of my freelance journalism career and I've already started working on some freelance writing jobs, mostly for internet marketers who don't have time to write their copy because they're too busy raking in the cash and lazing on beaches all day long.

I'm going to go now because I'm going out with the girls tonight. I only got back yesterday and I feel like I've not seen them for years! I think Nick is glad to have a bit of a rest from me, anyway!

So, guys, I hope you've been having a great time while I've been gone and I hope you haven't missed me too much! I'll catch up with you again soon, but until next time...
Callie signing off xxx

Birthday blues

Hi guys,

I feel so naughty because I've just got out of bed! I have an excuse, though; it was my birthday yesterday! I got so drunk last night. It all started perfectly innocent, I went out with my folks to a pub/restaurant for an afternoon meal. I had steak and chips and a pint of shandy. My mum had baked a birthday cake and she'd taken it to the restaurant earlier and so it was a nice surprise when the waitress brought it to our table. I blew out my twenty-four candles and made a wish (not telling you what it was, though, or else it won't come true, will it?)

Afterwards, I went back to my apartment with Lila and we waited for Ella and Erin to arrive. We then hit the town. I think I only bought one drink, the rest were bought for me by either one of the girls, or some of the many men who I seem to vaguely remember! Bad, aren't I? You can't blame me, though, you only get a birthday once a year! (unless you're the Queen, of course).

I got some great presents. Mum and Dad got me a new laptop so I can do some of my journalistic reports on it. It even has a camera so I can do some video blogs. Great! Lila got me a lovely make-up and bath set and I look forward to using it tonight, while I attempt to get rid of my hangover.

It is supposed to be a full moon tonight and, apparently, because I'm an early born Libran, it is supposed to be best for me if I stay in tonight and hide away. I don't usually believe in all that stuff but I'm in no fit state to be seen outside of my house tonight, anyway.

I got a surprise birthday card from Nick. It gave me a little tingle inside, strangely enough. He said that he felt bad about how we ended things and he wants to meet up again for a birthday drink. I sent him a text to thank him and we are going out on Wednesday. I'm so nervous. I'll tell you more about it next week, but until then...

Callie signing off xxx

Temporary state of affairs

Hi all,

Hope you are enjoying your weekend, so far. I've had quite a week. On Monday, I went back to the office from Hell and stayed there until Wednesday. I was booked for the full week, but if I hadn't walked out on Wednesday, I probably would have killed somebody - namely, Amanda (the annoying one who thought it was terrible that I couldn't get a "proper" job). She was saying it again on Tuesday, so I lost my temper and shouted, "You're right. This isn't a "proper" job, is it? At least I'm only doing it temporarily though; you have to work here forever!" You should have seen her face; her mouth literally dropped open and, for one moment, I thought she was going to cry. Stupid cow. I have no time for patronising people. Anyway, on Wednesday, PA came over and told me that the report I'd spent all morning typing up, was "amateurish". I totally lost it. "What do you mean by that?" I'd asked and she replied, "I expected a lot better from an ex-journalist." I had to stop myself from thumping her, but then Amanda chipped in. "I know; she's been working on it all morning, too. Linda usually finishes them in about half that time." Agghhh! I had no patience for any of them, so I told them that, in this day and age, that I didn't expect to be treated with such a lack of respect and that they should find somebody else to work for them. I then phoned my temp agency and told them about their poor attitude toward temp workers and they agreed to release me from the contract. I then had a couple of days off and Friday I was sent to work in a Vets as a receptionist. That was more like it, seeing all those cute little animals. I loved it. And the vet was quite cute too. He was married though, so no romance, unfortunately.

One good thing happened, though. I was talking to the other receptionist, Charlie, and she said that I should become a freelance journalist. I hadn't thought of that. There are a few things happening, in my local area, next week and so I will be doing some articles and posting them on my blog.

Until next time,

Callie signing off
xxx






 

Temporary insanity

Hi all,

Sorry I didn't post last week. I was too exhausted. I've been sent here, there and everywhere with my new temp agency. It's good that I'm earning money again, but it's left me way too tired to apply for jobs and my social life is dwindling, too.

I got a couple of days off last week, at least and so I sent some applications off for a couple of journalist jobs.

I'm dreading Monday, because I'm getting sent back to a place I've been working at for the last couple of weeks and there is an annoying woman who works there. I've had to bite my tongue several times; it seems that there is a consensus amongst certain types of people, that all temps are stupid.
I actually heard  two girls talking, while I was waiting at the vending machine, and one of them said these actual words..."It wasn't my fault, the temp did it!" and the other girl said, "Useless cow, I dunno where they get them from." I had to stop myself from thumping them. I didn't know whether they were on about me or not, but they were still insulting! That's the attitude of people, though.

Another girl in the office (where I am forced to work), gave me a pitying look, the other day, and said, "Ah, can't you get a proper job. It must be hard these days." I wouldn't mind, but she's younger than me and she was talking to me like she was my great aunt Ada!

Anyway, this stupid woman is the chief executive's PA and you'd think she was the Queen of England the way she acted. She came over to my desk, last week and said, "Mr Byron is in a meeting all morning, which means he isn't to be disturbed, understood?" I nodded and gritted my teeth at the same time. I was engrossed in my typing, when Mr Byron came over to me. "I'm expecting an important call from Sherwood's Tiling. Please make sure I get the call, " he'd said. He was much more polite than his PA (I think it's short for Pain in the Arse!)

So, as expected, this company called and so I had to go up to the meeting room to disturb the meeting. PA came out and started shouting her mouth off (all she needed was a tiny moustache and her arm in the air) and so I told her that Mr Byron had asked me to interupt, but she was having none of it and sent me away.

After the meeting I told Mr Byron what had happened and he went mad at PA and then she came and gave me grief! I'm dreading Monday. I know I don't have to go in there, but I really need to pay my bills and it keeps me busy. I don't know how anyone can work in an office like that though. I'm only there because the last admin assistant went off with stress (can't think why!).

So, tonight I'm going out with the girls, because I think I deserve it! I hope you all have a great weekend and until next time...(unless I've been sectioned!)

Callie signing off

xxx

What's a girl to do?

Hi all,

Hope you are enjoying the sunshine. It's weird how Septemember seems to be our new summer, here in the UK. I've spent the morning lazing around in my mum's garden. I stayed there last night. I know you must probably think I lead such a boring life when I stay at my mum's on a Friday night - and you'd be right, actually.

My life is boring, right now. I've been looking for work and have been so worried about paying my bills that I've not been eating (there are perks to this, for example, my new flat stomach! Yay!) and so my mum and dad came down yesterday, dragged me out of my apartment and flung me in the back seat of their car. To anyone watching, it probably looked like kidnap; it certainly felt like it!

They were just worried about me. They ordered in some fish and chips and we had a good night watching "Jack and Jill" (Adam Sandler cracks me up!) and drinking beer. It was ok, actually. Even Lila was on her best behaviour! I'm starting to think that I could actually give up my apartment and move back in with my folks, if the worst comes to the worst.

Anyway, I'll tell you what else I've been up to. I registered with some agencies and I almost karate chopped a stupid blonde bimbo, who looked as though she'd just left school, because she had the nerve to tell me (in a patronising tone) that she didn't think they would have any work for someone like me, because, although I had office experience, most companies want somebody who is reliable and she didn't think journalists were. She said that if I got a better offer then I would be off and she couldn't have somebody like that on her register. I wanted to kill the bitch, but instead I just told her that I didn't want to work for condescending, arrogant women like her and it was her loss. It was so funny to see her gaping mouth as I shimmied out of the door - stupid cow!

I did manage to sign up with one temp agency, though. They were great. It was a man, I spoke to, though, and I did the usual fluttering of eyelashes (I know it's sexist, but these are desperate times!) and he said that they got a lot of typing assignments, which would suit me and so I'm waiting for the offers to come flooding in. I might actually get to meet some nice men at some of these office, who knows? It could be fate.

Anyway, I'm going round to Ella's house tonight. She is returning last week's favour and having the girls round to her house for drinks and nibbles, tonight. I told her I'd need much more than nibbles, now that I've got a stone to put back on!

I'll catch up with you next week but until then...

Callie signing off

xxx

What have I done?

Hi guys,

How are you all feeling? I bet, if you live in the UK, that you are looking forward to a nice bank holiday weekend. Unlike myself; I won't appreciate it now that everyday is a day off for me! I can't believe that I quit my job. It has only just hit me what a stupid thing I did. I have tried all week to find another journalism job, but there haven't been any vacancies in my line of work in my local area.

My mum went mad when I told her. She said that I was welcome to move back into my old room, but that I would have to abide by her rules and put up with Lila. I don't want to lose my apartment. I love my independence! But the truth is, I haven't got any money coming in at all. I went into the dole office last week to see if I qualified for benefits. There was this horrible man sitting behind the reception desk. He had a big fat belly and a ring through his nose and his arms were covered in tattoos. When I walked over to his desk, he wouldn't even look me in the eye. I was so angry that he obviously thought he was so much better than me, so I stood up and I shouted, 'Why don't you have some respect and look at your customers!' And if that wasn't bad enough, he continued to look at his computer, and still, without looking me in the eye, he said, 'You are not entitled to any money, miss .....(I'm still too embarrassed to tell you my surname!) because you left your last position of your own accord. You will have to wait 13 week before we will review your claim.' I was still angry so I just continued to shout at him. 'It was enforced dismissal! My boss was a bully! How dare you sit there looking down at me. I could do your job - but I don't want to sit there all day looking down my nose at unemployed people just because I've got a job! If it wasn't for people without jobs, you wouldn't have one!' I didn't care that people were staring, but I was bothered when two security guards came and grabbed me under each arm and marched me out of the office.

So, I'm not allowed in my local dole office anymore. Not that I'm bothered about that. I will just have to think of something else. Right now I've got more important things to think about, like getting my ingredients ready for my girls' night in tonight. Now that I'm not working, I can't afford to go out and so I'm having the girls round tonight for a big pot of chilli and some glasses of wine. Hopefully, one of them might know of a job opening or something - and if they don't at least it's something to cheer me up.

Anyway, I won't depress you guys any longer. Have a great weekend, wherever you are and until next time...

Callie signing off

xxx

The world's gone mad

Hi Guys,

Phew. I haven't had a minute to stop and even breathe since I've been working for Melissa.
I can't believe that I first thought she was nice when I met her at interview; she's a total cow. Helen, who came with me to the Olympics, told me that everyone calls Melissa the 'smiling assasin'. I didn't know what she meant, at first, but then she told me loads of stories of how she makes people think she is lovely at first and gives them a couple of weeks to settle in and then she gives them all the horrible jobs and starts picking on them. Well...that was me, last week. After I got back from the Olympics (which was amazing, by the way), I was so tired and ready to go to bed for the whole weekend but Melissa had other plans. She made me go away with her to a remote village in Scotland. Apparantley, there is a woman living in a converted windmill, who everyone thinks is posessed by the devil. There have been stories in the local papers about her head spinning round and goo coming out of her mouth. Now firstly, I didn't believe that for a minute and secondly, if for the slightest reason it was true then there was no way that I wanted to go and see it for myself. You know me - I'm a total scardy cat! Anyway, I didn't get a choice did I. It turned out that I was Melissa's new scapegoat and she wanted to watch me get frightened to death. Lovely.

So, Melissa drove us all the way there and I was forced to listen to her boring music. She loves Ed Shearen and to me it is just total drone (no offence, Ed, but I much prefer Placebo). She didn't speak much, but every now and then I saw her give me a patronising glance.

Once we got there, she told me that I was to knock on the door and ask for Mrs. MacBridie and tell her we'd come to interview her. I asked Melissa if she knew we were coming and she said that if she knew, there was no way she'd have agreed and that we were going to ask her there and then. Anyway, I knocked on the door while Melissa stood miles away and this normal old woman answered. I asked her if she wouldn't mind being interviewed as it seems that she was a local celebrity and we wanted to take her story national. She invited us in for some tea and scones and, to be honest, I wasn't scared at all. Apart from looking a little bit witchy (long grey straggly hair, thin skeletal body and wearing lots of black) she was quite nice. Anyway, once Melissa knew there was nothing to be scared of, she started asking the woman loads of questions about what she thought about what people were saying and the woman said that just because she didn't look like other elderly women, people have started rumours and she was quite happy to let them think all of this evil stuff because it meant she got to be left in peace and there was no danger of any hoodies beating her up.

Once we'd asked her the questions (I could see Melissa was disappointed that she didn't try and turn us into frogs) we got up to go but then the woman wouldn't let us out. She said that we had some nerve coming into her house and accusing her of being a witch and as punishment she was going to keep us prisoner for a bit. When Melissa got out her mobile phone to call the police the woman grabbed this pole thing from the fireplace and started hitting Melissa with it. She knocked the mobile out of her hand and took it. She then threatened to beat me up unless I gave her my phone (which I did, obviously - the woman was a total psycho!)

After that she told us to sit down and she just sat there staring at us and giggling. I must admit, the giggling did sound kind of evil and I was starting to get really scared. The woman then opened the cupboard above the television and got out this mini cauldron thing and told us that she was going to do a spell and put a curse on us. She started chanting in some strange language and I swear I nearly puked up. Melissa was pale and I thought I saw her body shaking.

After about an hour the woman stood up and said we could leave. 'And don't come back again!' she screamed after us. I don't believe for one minute that she was posessed by the devil, but I think she was a total nut job who needed to be locked up for good. I kept wondering what would have happened had she not let us go? I told Melissa that I didn't think these sorts of assignments were a good idea but she freaked out and said that if I didn't want to go to see evil people then I was in the wrong job. I told her that if I'd wanted to work with psychos I'd have joined the police and then she said that if I wanted to stay in this job that she'd be sending me on all the demonic cases. I told her that it was totally unfair of her to do this and she said that she could do what she wanted because she was the boss. We travelled the rest of the way in total silence (except for Ed Shearen) and then when we got back home (last night) I told her that I'd had enough and she could find a new mug to give up their lives for that job.

So there, I have no job, I've had no sleep and I've probably been cursed. Great, eh? Other than that I'm feeling quite good. I'm going to go back to bed now because I'm totally exhausted and fed up and until next time...

Callie signing off

xxx

Missing in action

Hi guys

Listen, I'm sooo sorry that I didn't update last week. That was because I was stuck in the middle of nowhere. I only got back yesterday and as it was Lila's birthday, I didn't get chance to sit down for a minute. Anyway, work sent me to see this married couple who live in the mountains in Wales. I won't mention the town (in case it reveals the identity of the couple involved - however, once I tell you what is unusual about the couple, I am sure you could find out, if you wanted to, who they are) because I am bound by the official secrets act, but there was no mobile phone signal, no wi-fi, no tv, no anything really. The only thing it did have going for it was the local pub - weirdo city! I love to people watch but the people here were like something out of Royston Vasey.

Anyway, this particular couple were unusual in that they had both changed sex. When they met he was a she and she was a he (confusing, I know!) but they both realised that they were unhappy and as they both wanted to change to the opposite sex, then they could still stay married as man and wife. Phew! Despite the uniqueness of this assignment,  I found them to be the most lovely couple you could hope to meet. She (or should I say he?) was a great cook and I think I put on almost a stone (I stayed for almost a week) and he was lots of fun. We went hiking up the mountains and even though I hate doing outdoor pursuits, time just flew by.

I won't bore you too much with their life story (and I don't want to get sued by my employer either!) and so I will tell you about my plans for this week. Tonight, I am going out with Erin and Ella and tomorrow I am being sent to London to do some coverage of the olympics. Most of my colleagues have been and so they are sending me and another girl, Helen. Helen is ok. She keeps herself to herself most of the time, but I haven't had a problem with her. She seems a bit girly, though, that's the only problem. She's always got the latest designer bag and her highlighted blonde hair always looks immaculate. Sometimes, I think she must look at me and wonder what's wrong with me. I don't care though. Melissa hasn't said anything about my unique look and so I don't care.

I am a little fed up at the mo, though, if I'm honest. I don't like the way that Melissa can just send me to the other end of the country without any notice. What if I do meet a nice guy and settle down and have kids. This is no life for a wife and mother, is it? Maybe it's time for me to think of a career change.

Anyway, I hope you guys are all enjoying the snippets of sunshine we've been getting lately, even though it's decided to pour down with rain as I sit typing this.

Until next time,

Callie signing off
xxx

Quarter-life crises and balding men

Hi guys

What a week I've had. I need some good luck, or something to look forward to. Ever since I started my new job, things have been going so wrong. I've just finished writing up a piece I did last week. I got sent to an old mansion house, which is one of the oldest buildings in a nearby village and is supposed to be haunted. Melissa sent me along with one of my most boring colleagues, Mandy. I'm not being horrible (well, I am really...) but she is the most boring person I've ever met in my life and I'm including Nick in this, so you can tell how boring she is, can't you? She is about 40 and she acts like a nun, or something. She looks and acts much older than she is. We went to the house on Thursday, which was quite nice weather-wise, and she still wore a fleece jacket and a mid-calf length tartan skirt, which made her ankles look like tree trunks. She's got this red hair, but it's not a nice shade of red. Davina McCall wouldn't say nice things about Mandy's particular shade on her hair-dye adverts, put it that way. It just hangs in little limp threads around her shoulders. She wears circular rimmed glasses that she has a habit of looking over, so why bother wearing them? She is the ultimate frump. She talks dead slow, too. Honestly, I'm always yawning when I'm with her. I try to be all energetic and bouncy, but she still drawls and drives at 20mph in a 30 zone.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you a picture of the boringess that is Mandy, before continuing with my story. We went into the house, with our cameras and notebooks and Mandy started complaining about being cold. I was boiling, but she stood there shivering in her fleece. "I can sense paranormal activity," she'd said and I just shrugged my shoulders and tried to stop myself laughing as she started touching walls and going "Ooooh, Can you feel it, Callie?" No, I couldn't feel it. When I'd gone to the care home with Nick, I could feel it, but nothing was happening in the mansion house. It was just a plain old house.I reckon Mandy was trying to pretend just to get a good story.

Anyway, after an hour or boredom, we got back to the office and Mandy said that she would write up her experiences and I was to write up mine and on Monday we would collate the writing into an article. She said that if mine wasn't exciting then she would jazz it up a bit. In other words, they are making up stories to sensationalise them and attract readers. That is not the sort of journalist I want to be. I think I'm having one of those quarter-life crises that I read about recently. What if journalism isn't for me? What else can I do? Aaaaghhhh! I'm in crisis mode - help!!!

Today, I have written the truth - that the house, although old, was not in the least bit scary and if it was haunted, then maybe the ghosts come out after dark.

I'm going out with Erin again tonight. We went out for a meal last night and she told me that she was going to end it with her fiance, today. I tried to tell her that she is a committment-phobe and that the only reason she is dumping him is because she is scared of ending up with a baldy and that is just shallow. I also read recently that there is a new test people can do to see if a man is going to end up bald. If they sell them in chemists, I reckon Erin will be using it on new boyfriends. At least it will save the poor fellas from the humiliation of being dumped once their hair falls out. I am not that shallow. I have to find a decent fella to actually go out with and ask me to marry him before I start worrying about baldness.

Anyway, I best go now. I'm going out for a run while the weather is nice and then will have to shower before our night out. I can't wait to find out if she's decided to give it a go with him, though knowing Erin, the poor guy will be dumped for good.

I will catch up with you next week but until then,

Callie signing off

xxx

Moany Monday

Hi all

I am soooo tired. Hope you are all ok on this gloomy, wet Monday. I have been working literally all weekend. My boss decided it would be time to send me on a 'jolly'. Yep - a jolly. That's what she called it. I think her exact words were something like, "I thought it was about time that you went on a jolly. It's not fair that you're stuck here all the time while the others have all the fun. It's all expenses paid!" I didn't really get a choice and so I had to agree. I'm sure there is some law about having reasonable notice before having to give up an entire weekend but I was too fed up to argue. Anyway, jolly was not the word I would use to describe a rubbish weekend, locked up in a B& B (bed and breakfast) all by myself.

They sent me to this B & B near to some woods where people have reported UFO activity. I am quite interested in all this stuff - I love the X-Files, but I didn't want to have to go traipsing round woods in the dark, all by myself. I could have been murdered or anything! I wasn't murdered - as you've probably guessed, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this, but you can understand how scared I was, can't you?

It would have been perfect for Nick but I'm still not speaking to him, otherwise I might have suggested he join me. He would have had to pay for himself, but he's not short of money now he is some super journo in his new company.

I put my wellies and waterproof reflective jacket on and took my camera into the woods on Saturday and last night, because I didn't see anything on Saturday. I wasn't alone when I got there because there were loads of tourists with tents and everything, just watching the sky. At least I was getting paid extra to go, I wouldn't volunteer to spend my nights UFO watching. Boring. These people must have no life (no offence if you are one of them!).

Some of the people were nice, though. There was this lovely old man, Fred, who'd brought a flask of soup with him and he poured some for me because I was freezing. He told me that when he was little he saw a UFO and he said an alien put its face up against his window and it looked a little bit like ET but it was grey instead of brown. I didn't want to say anything, but I expect he was dreaming at the time - sleepwalking or something.

I did get to see something last night but it wasn't proof enough for me. There was a mist in the sky which glowed a bit and then disappeared. So, I didn't even get any photos. Melissa (my boss) was a little disappointed and she said that she would send someone else next time. As if it's my fault that the UFO didn't show up!

I'm going to the gym in a bit because I feel so flabby at the moment. Since starting this new job, I've not had time to exercise and there's always someone bringing cakes or biscuits into our office and I just stuff them into my mouth on auto-pilot. Coincidently, I read an article in the paper recently that said women who work long hours or who have high pressure jobs start to put on weight - Why didn't I think of writing this! I'm seriously slacking.

Anyway, I'm gonna grab my gym gear now and until next time...


Callie signing off

xxx

The Smiths were so right...

Hi guys,

How are you all doing? I hope you are doing better than I am. All I can say is...'I was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now....' - which is a line from the Smiths' song Heaven knows I'm miserable now. My new job is not what I'd expected at all. I should have stayed where I was, boo hoo, wail wail etc. I hate it. My boss is a right bitch and my colleagues are stuck up arrogant snobs who think they're better than me just because they've been there longer and have MBAs and so on. I could get an MBA if I wanted one -  I just don't want one. You don't need one for journalism anyway. Richard Branson and Sir Alan aint got them - they've just got great business sense. Agghhh! I'm feeling so stressed. I've just finished typing up copy for tomorrow because I didn't get chance to do it on Friday and, unlike my old workplace, if we don't get stuff finished on Friday we have to take it home and do it.

Just kill me now. I feel like going back to my old job on my hands and knees, clutching my handbag and saying 'please, Sir. Can I have some more?' and hope my old boss takes pity on me. I'm too proud for that, though, and my replacement looks just as much fun as my new colleagues. I was going to call them workmates, then, but they're no mates of mine. I just hope that as the weeks progress, I will start to settle in and they might start treating me a bit better.

Oh yeah, and Erin finally dumped her fella. She has a serious case of committment phobia, but at least it means I now have someone to go out with on Saturday nights. I couldn't go last night though because I was working and I was exhausted. We're gonna go out tonight, but Erin won't drink much because it is a school night - literally for her! She is still working at the same school as her ex but she has applied for a couple of other jobs. I warned her that she might go somewhere worse, but she doesn't care.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great week ahead and I will update you on my escapades next week. Until then...

Callie signing off

xxx

Screwed-up Sunday

Hi guys

I'm typing this with my left leg covered in plaster and bandages. Why? you may ask - well, it is all Lila's fault, as usual. I wanted to have a little leaving do on Friday, the only problem was I didn't want to invite anyone I worked with, because I don't like them and I can't wait to leave, so Lila kindly offered to organize a meal in town followed by drinks at the local rock club. She'd invited Ella and Erin (who, yet again, was free to join us now that she'd been separted from her fiance's hip) and so I decided to take Lila's advice and dress girly for a change. I bought myself a nice dress from the high street, which was blue with little daisies printed on it and I bought a pair of high heels. They were a dark blue, made to look like denimn, with high, wooden, clog-like heels. Admittedly, it did take me a while to get used to walking in them,  but by the time we reached the restaurant, I was walking like a pro (not that type of pro!!!).

It was quite a good night. The wine and the gossip was flowing. Erin admitted that she wasn't ready for marriage and that she had fallen out of love (or should it be lust?) with her fiance and so we told her that if this was how she was feeling then she had to call the wedding off. She said that she couldn't do that to him and that if she did she would have to face him in work and that would be terrible. I told her she needed a new job, then, but she said that it was so hard to find work these days that she should stay put. I sometimes feel like putting a bomb up her arse because she just won't get motivated to do anything. It's not fair on her fella either.

We went into the rock club and one of my favourite songs came on and so I forgot I wasn't wearing my docs and I ran to the dance floor and that was when my heels decided to splay in different directions. I skidded on somebody's beer they'd spilt on the floor and landed spread eagled near some skinheads. It would have been physically painful if I hadn't been so embarrassed. My embarrassment sort of blanked out any pain. The skinheads helped me up but I couldn't stand and that was when the shooting pains started. They had to call an ambulance. Everyone was staring and it was just horrible. I'm supposed to be starting my new job tomorrow. I'm still going, but it will be on crutches. I knew there was a reason I didn't dress girly. I don't care if men think I'm a lesbian anymore; I just want to be comfy and not break my ankle when I'm on a night out.

It took me a while to get used to the crutches, as well. I think I've finally gotten the hang of it, though. It's ok when I'm at home because everything is on one level - it's stairs that are a problem. I'll just have to hope the lifts work tomorrow. And that is most of my goss this week. The gang at work got me a card and a photo frame with all their ugly mugs in it. I don't know why they thought I'd like it. Obviously, I wasn't popular enough for them to put into a collection for me. I shouldn't grumble too much. Tomorrow is the start of my new career and I've just got this amazing feeling that it will be the start of something special. I will update you next week, but until then...

Callie signing off

xxx

Singalong Sunday

Hi guys

How are you all doin'? I'm ok. Last week in work was horrible. My boss is giving me all sorts of horrible jobs to do, just because I'm "leaving him in the lurch" (his words, not mine), such as sorting out the filing cabinet and waiting on all the visitors he's had recently. He interviewed for my replacement last Friday and I have to train up this geeky lad, all next week. I am so not looking forward to that.

I went out with the girls last week and it was great fun. We went to this transvestite bar first, which is always a good laugh. The only problem is that most of them look better than us, lol. Anyway, we went to this rock bar and Erin actually admitted that she felt too young to be settling down with her teacher guy. I knew there had to be something wrong, otherwise she wouldn't have come out by herself. She's been glued to him ever since she started that job. I told her it was just wedding jitters and all that but she went all quiet and weird. Ella was on top form and even before we got into the club she practically had her tongue down some poor unsuspecting guy's throat. He looked like Meatloaf. She likes that type - can't think why.

I didn't meet anyone. Typical. Lila says it's because men don't like women who look like lesbians (again, her words, not mine). I wouldn't like to get insulted by Lila because words come spewing out of her mouth before she's engaged her brain and most of the time she isn't trying to be insulting at all. I have nothing against lesbians, by the way and I know that some of them look extremely feminine;  it's just that, as I am not one, I don't wan't men to get the wrong idea. Lila says she's just trying to help. When I asked her to elaborate she said that I should grow my hair and stop wearing clumpy doc martens. I told her where to go, after that. There is no way on Earth that I am giving up my docs; they're comfy and they could come in  useful in the offchance that I may have to kick a deranged attacker who might want to murder me on my way home.

I can't wait to start my new job. I might get to meet a nice guy, there. I'm going out tonight with Lila. She's dragging me to the karaoke bar, because we haven't been for a while. The only problem is that the England match is on. I will have to wait until that's finished before I can get up and scream my lungs off. I hate the footie. I can't wait until it's all over. Lila likes watching football in the pub. She says it's a great place to meet men. I suppose it is, if you want a fella who likes to do nothing more than sit in a pub, swigging beer, burping and farting while he watches something I consider to be boring drivel. I don't know why she wants to go anyway considering she has a sugar daddy on the go.

Oh well, I am going to go get a bath now and then I'm gonna go up to my Mum's, have a Sunday roast before hitting the town with Lila. If you do like the footie, then I hope you enjoy it and "Come on England!" - I suppose I gotta show willing and all that. Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Sizzling Saturday!

Hi guys

How are you? I am better than ever! I got the job! I got the job!Yipeeeee! Yee haaaaa! and all that....
I am so excited. I think I've spent the past week with a permanent smile etched on my face. I went to the interview last Monday and I was soooo nervous. I took my portfolio with me, which has all of my articles in it and I even dressed in a smart black trouser suit. It was a woman who interviewed me. She was lovely. Her name's Melissa and she's gonna be my new boss. She loved my work and said I would be joining a team of young, fresh talent and I should fit right in. She offered me the job on the spot and, obviously, I accepted! and then she showed me around the office where I will be working. I didn't get to meet everyone but there were about 4 or 5 people busy typing. They looked up and smiled at me and the atmosphere was just so laid back.

I felt so good handing my notice in. "Who's going to do Callie's World now?" was all that he said when I dumped it on his desk. "You'll have to change the name now." I'd replied and he'd just shrugged his shoulders and muttered "Congratulations." And that was that. I've got to give two weeks notice and then I'll be off to "The Rivendale Echo." I can't wait.

I'm going out with the girls tonight to celebrate. Erin is actually coming on a night out without her fella. Methinks the rose coloured spectacles have fallen off. I will find out later, of course.

It's a good job I've had something to smile about otherwise all this football on telly would have driven me mad! Why do they keep moving all of my favourite soaps around. It's not fair how my whole telly-watching routine has been ruined. Four whole weeks it goes on for, too - and then just when I think telly is going to get back to normal the Olympics starts! Oh well, hopefully I will be too busy with my new job to worry.

Anyway, I best go and get ready for my big girly night out. I hope you enjoy the week ahead and until net time...

Callie signing off

xxx

Gross-out Sunday

Hi guys

Sorry it's taken me until now to post. My internet connection went down on Thursday night and I was going to get somebody to sort it (because I have no idea about techie stuff. I used to ask Nick - but after last weekend we're not on speaking terms) but Erin, trying to be nice, told me she'd get her fiance to help me. Fat lot of good he was. He's supposed to be an IT specialist, but he spent ages last night faffing about with all these wires and in the end he gave up! I suppose he tried to help, but if he is supposed to be a specialist and teaching our future generation, then there's no hope for us! So, today, I had to spend nearly £100 for someone to sort it out because it's out of hours. Oh well - rant over. It seems to be working now.

Anyway, about last weekend...

As you know, my neighbour, Rosie, organised a lovely get-together in our communal garden to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. She and her friends had done a great job decorating all the gates with bunting and setting out the tables, covering them in Union Jack flags. They had a stereo system connected up with some old songs playing and it was a great atmosphere. I'd invited Nick, but as soon as he arrived I could tell he didn't really want to be there, he had such a grumpy face. And then I remembered how I'd felt about him when he'd first come to work with me. I thought he was the most boring person ever. I'd only agreed to start going out with him again because I thought he'd get me a job in his place and he'd let his hair grow and he didn't look that old anymore - he actually looked quite cute. Anyway, for some strange reason, he turned up last Monday with his head shaved. I could see flecks of grey in it and he looked old again. I didn't want to say anything to him, at first, but the more drinks I had (followed by Rosie's notorious sherry trifle) I got a little bit tipsy and told him what I thought of him. I think it was something like, "God, you are so boring! Stop being such a miserable git and join in, will ya!"  I think his reply went something like this, "All you ever do is moan! I don't have to have a permanent smile etched on my face, you know, like some weird clown." And I'd said something like, "I don't think I've ever seen you smile. And what's with the hair! You look like a convict." I think that was when he slammed his drink down and shouted, "Don't call me!"
It was a little bit embarassing, I must admit. We haven't spoken since. I think I should apologize, but I doubt he will answer my calls. He is just so boring, though. Being with him at the party was like pulling teeth (Not an analogy I can use with Liam, though, considering he probably quite enjoys pulling teeth.)

So...after Nick had stormed off, Liam came over and sensing my distress (at being dumped in public) he came over and asked if I wanted to go to his apartment. At the time, I thought it was a great idea, because I felt I'd spoiled the party, a little. I told him that I didn't sleep with people on the first date and he said that it wasn't a date - but anyway, it was a huge mistake going into his apartment. I got to find out what a weirdo he is ( I could write an article about him).

Firstly, I noticed a smell of bleach, like a hospital smell, as soon as I walked through the door and the walls were so white it was almost clinical. All of the furniture looked like it had come straight out of an IKea catalogue and there was no dust or marks anywhere. My black TV and shelving unit has permanent dust on it that never comes off no matter how hard I clean, yet his black techno things were shining and mark-free.
He got us some wine and put coasters underneath, which every other man I'd dated didn't bother to do.
We had a good chat while we watched some coverage of the Jubilee on TV. After a while, I needed to go to the toilet. That was when things went downhill. On the wall next to the toilet was a poster entitled, "Choose your pooh" - not the most romantic thing to look at, I thought. It was gross. There were different shaped ones called different names such as grapes, corn on the cob and mashed potato. Apparently, if yours is like gravy, you have a problem. I gagged and was almost sick and then, when I went to wash my hands, I was greeted by another poster, stuck above the sink, describing the ins and outs of plaque, complete with a picture of someone's grubby teeth with bacteria on them. That's when I did have to be sick. It was just too much.

When I got back to the living room I asked him where I could get a drink of water and so I followed him into the kitchen and that, too, was clinical. His stainless steel things were actually stainless. I'd always thought stainless steel was a lie - mine are all covered in fingerprints and other gunk that just won't come off no matter what I do, yet his were all gleaming. I know he's a dentist and everything but this was all just too weird for me. After I'd drank the water, I made my excuses and left. It still gives me shivers to think that he lives in the apartment right above mine. Why can't I meet any normal guys? Maybe it's me who's too fussy. I should lower my standards - I'm not getting any younger! I could get an older guy, like Lila has. I've been calling her Sugar Baby - there was a thing on TV the other day about women who date older men - they call them Sugar Babies. Sounds quite nice, really. Doesn't make it sound pervy at all.

I'm going to Mum's later for Sunday dinner - although it's usually Sunday tea, by the time she's got it ready. I might stay overnight, because I have the day off tomorrow. I'm going to another interview. It's doing a similar job, but for a bigger paper. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, I'll go now but until next time...


Callie signing off xxx

Jubilee weekend, Yay!

Hi guys

How is everyone today? I'm actually quite good, considering. I'm still moping around after finding out that I didn't get that journalist job. They told me that I didn't have enough experience in the music industry. I hate that! How do I get the experience? It is all well and good doing voluntary work but I need to pay my bills! It looks as though I am stuck chasing weirdos for the rest of my life. Oh well, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, though, and it obviously wasn't meant to be.

Did you watch Eurovision? I loved the song that won, but I was a little disappointed that the Russian grannies didn't win. As expected, the UK didn't do well - not surprising really. Euro fans like the acts to be crazy and colourful and a little bit naff, not slow and boring and drab. When will the UK organisers learn this?

Anyway, my barbecue went quite well. I have a confession. Nick couldn't come to my party and so I got talking to my neighbour, Liam. I hadn't really paid that much attention to him but when I got up close I realised he was actually quite cute. He's got these lovely auburn eyes - I know that doesn't sound nice, but they are like an amber/orangey colour to match his hair, which is a little messed up and he looks like he doesn't know how cute he is. Anyway, we got talking and he said that he had been trying to find an excuse to talk to me for ages and he was so glad I'd invited him to the barbecue. I invited him inside my apartment to watch the Eurovision and he admitted, when he was leaving, that he hated it but only stayed because he wanted to spend some more time with me. He's lovely. He works as a dentist, though, which is the only bad thing about him. I have always suspected that dentists have a bit of a psycho streak about them - who else would love yanking teeth out of people's mouths and drilling into their gums? He was quite nice for a psycho though. Anyway, as he was going he pulled me towards him and gave me a kiss!!! I felt so guilty, though because I am going out with Nick, aren't I? Now I don't know what to do.

I have seen Nick once since and I could hardly look him in the eyes. The only thing that has stopped me blurting it out to him is that it wasn't me who kissed Liam. Liam kissed me so it wasn't my fault, was it?

I haven't seen Liam since, but one of my other neighbours, Rosie - a seventy year old woman, is organizing a jubilee party for our apartment block and I have agreed to attend. I don't know whether Liam will be going but I have already asked Nick and he is coming with me. Things could get kinda awkward.

Anyway, I hope that everyone in the UK who reads this has a great jubilee weekend and until next time...

Callie signing off xxx

Singalong Saturday

Hi guys

I am sooo excited today! Why? you may ask, well - I am a eurovision addict. I can't get enough of it. I've been watching all the semis this week and the grand final tonight is just too much for me to take! Every year I have a party and this year is no exception. My apartment is only small; however, I do have a communal garden area and my neighbours have agreed that I can have a barbecue before the party starts. The weather is phenomenal right now - just perfect. I have invited my neighbours, but only one, a quiet guy called Liam, agreed to join me. I've also invited my family and Ella. I did invite Erin and her beloved, but she declined. No surprise there - she doesn't know what's she's missing.

After the barbecue, we are all going inside my apartment for the big event where I will have bowls of peanuts and other treats scattered around and shot glasses - we all have to drink a shot when a funny act comes on (so that means a lot of shots get drunk!) My favourite act, so far, this year is the Russian act. I just love those women - they have such a great attitude and I will be cheering them on. And as much as I love old Englebert (he's just like a cool granddad, isn't he?) I don't think our boring song is going to set the world alight. Sorry Englbert.

Anyway, I also have some other news - I applied for a job as a journalist for a local underground music newspaper and I have an interview next week! It will be my perfect job as I get to go to gigs and write about up and coming new acts - I can't wait. It's like my life is on the verge of change. As Lady Gaga would say, "I'm on the edge of glory..." etc. etc.

And that, my friends, is that. I hope you all enjoy watching the eurovision as much as I will (I automatically assume everyone is going to be watching it!) and until next time...


Callie signing off

xxx

Sickly Sunday

Hi all

So sorry it's taken me until now to post. I have been ill and have not had the energy to do much at all, so I've spent most of last night and this morning, in bed. A lot of it is self-inflicted, I must admit, but I also have this horrible bug that's been going round. I feel achey, tired and I have the cough from hell that's been keeping me up all night.

I've still been in work - I don't get paid for time off sick and, as I'm now looking for a new job, I have to keep a good sickness record. Fortunately, I didn't get sent to see any weird people. I had to come up with another article though (which was hard because my boss doesn't like my "tell it like it is" sort of stories) and as I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't upset my boss I ended up writing some boring stuff about the importance of keeping fit by doing regular exercise and eating healthily and how I had lost half a stone in the past 6-8 weeks.

I saw Nick on Friday. I told him, beforehand, that I was a germ bag but it didn't put him off. We went to his friend's house for a party. I spent most of the night sat in the corner, coughing up green goo and knocking back brandies to try and burn the germ out of my throat (didn't work, though).

Oh, yeah and something bad happened on Wednesday night. I was really feeling sorry for myself and so Mum told me I could stay at her house for a few days and she would look after me (which was nice).
She made us all a nice spicy casserole and then I went upstairs to the guest room and read my kindle while they all watched telly downstairs. Lila's boyfriend stayed for tea and I don't know how Mum and Dad stayed in the same room as them - they were practically all over each other. This wasn't the bad part, though. The bad part was when I was just dropping off to sleep (it must have been about ten) and I heard the door opening. I didn't think much of it, at first, until I felt breathing on my neck and I felt somebody stroking my hair. I knew it wasn't Mum. I turned round and it was Lila's fella staring at me. I couldn't believe it. "What do you want?" I'd shouted and he just shrugged his shoulders and smirked. "I thought you might like a goodnight kiss," he'd replied. I told him to get lost and he scurried off with his tail between his legs. I told Lila, the next day, but she refused to believe me - saying that I was just jealous. I hope she knows what she's doing. I can't believe I actually thought he was ok - he's a total creep. I must admit, though, it made me feel a little bit warm inside to think that he had my much more attractive sister waiting for him downstairs and he'd still tried it on with me, even though my nose was oozing green stuff and my face and body resembled a zombie.

I am going to have to go now ,because I feel horrible and need to go back to sleep and a wasp has decided to fly in through my window and I can't relax when they are in my room - I much prefer bees; they don't try to attack you on purpose, like wasps do.

I hope you all have a great week and until next time...

Callie signing off

xxx

Swoony Saturday

Hi guys,

Sorry I'm late checking in today. I've been sunbathing - in Nick's garden! Well, you have to make the most of the sun when it comes out here in the UK. I don't know how long it will last. It will probably be raining on Monday. Anyway, I have goss...Nick and I are back together.  I met up with him last Thursday and I don't know whether it was the wine or the fact I haven't seen him for a while, but he looked gorgeous. He'd let his hair grow a bit and he's grown a bit of a stubbly beard. With my beer goggles on he reminded me of Dave Grohl - swoon! Anyway, he's been enjoying his job and he knows that I hate mine at the mo (because it's so boring) and he said there is an opening in his office, but it is just for an editorial assistant, which basically means proof-reading behind a desk all day - that's not me! I also don't think it is a good idea for me to go back to being his work colleague, either.

Anyway, when we got together it was like we'd never been apart. We got on so well and I couldn't believe that I'd almost let him get away! I was on full flirt mode. After we'd eaten all we could eat (I ate a bowl of chicken and sweetcorn soup, a bit of sweet n sour pork, some peking duck, some seaweed, another big bowl of sweet n sour pork and various other bits of rice and noodles.) Nick loves the fact that I eat what I want without worrying about my weight (little does he know! Just because I shove it all down me, doesn't mean I don't worry about my weight. It's just I have no willpower.) Anyway, I've been running a lot and have lost half a stone, so it doesn't matter too much, does it?

I met up with Erin, too, yesterday. She took me into town for brunch (she's gotten so posh!) and she showed me some magazines she'd picked up. I had to look at pictures of horrible meringue dresses that she expects me to wear for her big day. When I asked if she'd let me wear black she was horrified. My next choice was a deep purple velvet fishtail dress, which she was considering. Oh well, fingers crossed. It is her big day after all, and at least she hasn't asked me to be the maid of honour!

I'm going to go and get a shower now and later I will be going to Nick's again. I slept there last night and I will be sleeping there tonight too. It's getting serious. We have so much in common. I can't believe how much he's changed since he's been working in the city. He's gone so much more fun. He used to be so boring but now that he's actually enjoying life, I enjoy being with him much more. I am so happy - can't you tell!

Anyway, I will keep you updated on my exciting love-life and until next time...


Callie signing off

xxx

Soulful Saturday

Hi all

How ya doing? My week has been pretty boring. I had no jobs to go and see and my boss said he didn't like my "only way is Essex" article. He said that it offended quite a lot of readers and he showed me a sackful of complaints. He said that we were lucky that they didn't sue us for defamation. I didn't say anything wrong! What is wrong with the world these days when we aren't allowed to express our opinions? I thought that was what a journo was meant to do! Anyway, I know my boss sometimes reads this so I have to be careful what I put - let's just say that he knows I aint happy and I've been speaking to Nick a lot lately, asking him how busy he is in his job. We have arranged to meet up on Thursday for lunch. I have the day off and I'm quite looking forward to seeing him again. He is working in the morning and then he has the afternoon off so he is coming to my apartment and we are going to drive into the city for an all you can eat Chinese banquet.

Lila is still with her sugar daddy and the other night she told me that it was getting serious. She was flaunting a new crystal necklace he'd bought her as she told me this news. I have my doubts!

And....Erin actually phoned me to tell me that she and her teacher are getting engaged. I almost fainted. I knew they were always together and everything but I didn't expect this. That's it for our friendship then, I guess. She doesn't want to know now so when she is married she will want to know me even less, probably. She wants me to be a bridesmaid too. I hate doing that. She'll want me to have girly hair and wear a dress! What an outrage! I've always said that when I get married I'll be wearing doc martens and a long black gothic dress. Not the done thing, I know, but since when have I done the done thing?

I've decided that I am going to do a photography course at my local technical college in September. The enrollments are in July and I can't wait. I need to get a new social life- and fast!

I've lost half a stone too! Since I've been going running and turning up at the gym twice a week to do some weights I've felt great - and I've still been scoffing Lila's easter eggs that she didn't want.

That's all my news for today, folks. Tonight I have decided to attend a local dramatic production of Quadrophenia ( apparantly it was a cult film in the 80s and I love cult films!) - not sure whether the local drama group will do it justice (my old Chemistry teacher is in it!) but who knows?

Until next time...


Callie signing off

xxx

Slobby Saturday

Hi all,

Hope you've had a great week. I think it's flew by. I started work on my first proper "article" that doesn't involve meeting weird people. I do miss weirdos but when there's nothing going on to write about I need to use my imagination. I got a load of great ideas from Lily when I was in New York. I have attached a copy of my first article to the bottom of this blog post so you can get an idea of what I've been up to.

Other news...Mum won £980 on the lottery on Wednesday and she is going to treat herself to a spa day. She said she might let me or Lila come with her, but I bet she chooses Lila because she lives at home. I need it more than Lila, though. I have a stressful job and my skin keeps breaking out into these horrible teenage spots (I thought I'd grown out of that sort of thing) while Lila looks as though she's just stepped off the cover of Cosmo.

I haven't seen much of Ella because she's been so busy with work. She's always "on call". I don't know why she does that job- she's got no social life. I, on the other hand, have no social life because I've got friends who don't want to do anything! Erin is still loved-up with her geeky teacher guy and she's dumped her friends and even though Lila and I have had our differences lately, I can't even go out with her because she's always with her new fella. I may as well join a nunnery. I've decided, instead, that a night school course might be the best way to meet new people and get myself a new social life. I can't decide between photography (might be useful for my job) or performing arts. I'll let you know once I've decided. The courses don't start until September so I've still got time to decide.

Oh well, it looks like another night in front of the telly with a glass of wine and a DVD. Boring! Although, I do like to slob out in my PJs once in a while.

Here is my latest article. If you aren't from the UK you might not have seen the realityTV show "The only way is Essex" and all I can say is 'You are so lucky'. Hope you enjoy.

IF THE ONY WAY IS ESSEX THEN LET ME OFF NOW!

I don't want to offend anyone who loves this show but...I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
The main reason I hate it so much is because of the people and the worst part is that I know they aren't characters - I hate some of the new characters in Eastenders, but I know they are actors and I'm supposed to hate them. The people in this show are real people (or so they claim) and it is the women who are ruining my life. Ever since this show has hit our screens I have noticed clones of these women wandering around the High Street. They all look the same with their orange tans and their long dyed-black hair. Their faces are plastered in make-up and they waltz around in short, tight dresses and high heels. I just feel as though I don't fit in anymore and I'm sure these women look at me and think I am some sort of weirdo for choosing to wear my hair short and spiky and for walking around in doc martens, baggy jeans and tie-dyed tops. I hate the way they turn their noses up at me, acting all superior. It must cost them a fortune, too, to maintain that look with all the fake tan and the hair extensions and designer clothes. I think this program is a bad influence and the world is now being overrun with replicas like some sort of dodgy sci-fi zombie movie. I have nightmares about these "false" women making zombie noises and surrounding me so I can't escape...I scream but no sound comes out and they try to insert hair extensions in me and make me wear high heels -aggghhh! All I want to say to my readers, is this...there is nothing wrong with being yourself. You don't have to get a fake tan and hair extensions and plaster yourself in make-up to look good and if some daft TV show makes you think that you have to do this to be considered "normal" then maybe you should start watching something else. I certainly will be.

Zombie Clone

Me

See how different we are? I will never be like a zombie clone and I hope my readers won't either. Be happy with who you are. Sayin that, the zombie clone looks like Lila, lol. She will probably have a go at me when she reads this in the paper next week .Anyway, I'm going to sign off now and go and get myself a DVD. Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Sleepy Saturday

Hi guys

I am so tired today after the hectic week I've had. I got some excting news - Lily's coming over and she will be staying with me. My boss agreed that it was only fair to invite her over to see the way we do things. I am so looking forward to it. There isn't that much for me to show her but she's never been to England so I suppose she will enjoy it all the same.

Lila also had some exciting news - she has got a steady boyfriend - although the word "boy" doesn't really apply here because he is 55 years old. Considering she is only twenty-one, the age difference is quite big and I don't understand it - but, what can I say. She met him on that website but they kept in touch and they fell in love (him with her looks and her with his money probably). I know I'm being a bit skeptical, but honestly! first she marries the first man she meets and now she's dating somebody almost as old as Dad! My parents aren't pleased, either. Lila does what she wants without caring about anyone else, though and she really doesn't care less what we all think. I met him on Thursday when she invited us all out for tea. He was quite good-looking for his age and did look a lot younger, but that's not the point. They don't seem to have anything in common at all!

Not much else has happened - oh, except for I got a tax rebate and bought myself a new smartphone so I might be able to update more regularly (when I find out how to work it - I'm not the most technical person!).

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your weekend and until next time...

Callie signing off

xxx

Chilled-out weekend

Hi all

I hope you are all enjoying the weekend. I had a great Easter. Mum got me a huge mini eggs egg that I've only just finished today. It was so gorgeous and almost as big as my head. She got Lila one too, but because she is "watching her weight" (dunno why - she's thinner than I am!) she gave her egg to me. Even though I'm not speaking to her at the moment I accepted - I mean, come on - it's chocolate!

I went to Ella's last week and we had a good laugh. She said that she's missed her nights out with the girls. I told her that it was partly her fault that the nights out stopped and that every time she gets a boyfriend she dumps her mates. This nearly caused an argument, but, in the end, she had to agree that she had been spending a little too much time with her ex and that was partly what caused their breakup - boredom. They say familiarity breeds contempt and, in this instance, that is exactly what happened. Ella told me that the last straw was when she caught him staring at her, in a weird and not at all flattering way. She'd asked him what he was staring at and he told her that he thought she was putting on weight and that it was probably a good idea to stop eating so many take-outs. I almost spat out my wine when she told me this. How dare he be so shallow? I never liked him anyway, but this was outrageous. "I hope you told him where to go," I'd said and she told me that she was so shocked, at first, that she actually asked him where he thought she was gaining weight and he told her that her bum was getting a little "lardy" OUTRAGEOUS!!! Fortunately, once he'd said this, Ella had gone to the fridge, taken out a cream cake, shoved it all in her mouth and then told him to "Get lost!"

Great stuff. This is why we're such good friends...And why we're probably both still single! But, listen ladies, no matter how lardy we get, if men don't like us for ourselves then what's the point. There is gonna be a time, when no matter how many sit-ups we do, or how many cakes we turn down, that our bodies are just gonna age and give up anyway, so I, for one, want to be with a guy who doesn't care when this eventually happens (I'm not planning on it happening too soon. That's why I go running and to the gym, after all). It's a shame for Ella, though, because in her line of work, she is so stressed out that she is constantly shoving sweet treats into her mouth and she also seems to be constantly working and when she isn't she's too exhausted. She won't get another job either, because she said that she won't be able to pay her mortgage if she did.

Oh well, my job's just as boring as usual. I went to see that old woman who claimed to be the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe. I asked her how she "knew" this and she said that she'd gone for hypnotherapy for her arthritis and she ended up regressing to when she was Marilyn. She told me that her therapist was so excited she'd written down dates and everything. I thought it would be fun to humour her and so I asked her if she did commit suicide or if there was a conspiracy with the Kennedies. She told me that this information was personal and now that she was dead she didn't think she should be talking about it. Oh well, it was worth a try. I am attaching the photo I used for my article. Do you see any similarities? She reckons she still has Marilyn's looks and that, even when she was younger, people used to say she looked like her. It sounds more like an obsession than a real reincarnation, although, I would love to find real proof, one day.

Marilyn                            Mrs X

I suppose there are some similarities, I guess. Anyway, I am on my way out to Mum's now. It's Lila's birthday and so I guess I have to make an effort. I bought her a bottle of DKNY. I was going to buy her some choccies (because I know she would give them back to me, lol) but I thought that would be a bit too cruel.

Anyway, enjoy your week ahead and until next time...

Callie signing off

xxx

Happy Easter

Hi guys,

Hope you are all ok and looking forward to the Easter weekend. I know some of you don't celebrate Easter, but, even if you don't, I hope you all have a great weekend, anyway.

I will update you on my life, the past couple of weeks. I have finally gotten over the jetlag and have started running again. I will be doing the race for life and so I'm practising as often as I can. I was going to do the London marathon, but I'm not fit enough for that, so I will aim to do this next year.

Let's talk about New York..I absolutely loved it. Lily, my hostess, works for a little local newspaper and her role is part agony aunt, part columist. She is very ambitious and hopes to work for a global magazine like Marie Claire or Vogue. She loves fashion, but would prefer Marie Claire, because she likes to write about other things and Vogue is all about fashion.

Anyway, she has this lovely loft apartment overlooking China town and we went to get Chinese food almost every night. I love Chinese food, especially anything in sweet and sour sauce. Lily prefers the spicier options, which she washes down with pints of beer. We love the same music and she, too, has a lousy love-life. Her last boyfriend turned gay. I told her that he was probably gay all along, but she was convinced that it was her fault. I didn't ask why! One night we went to this weird nightclub. I felt a little underdressed in my spotted ra-ra skirt, lacy leggings and cropped top; most of the clientele were wearing bras and knickers or leather suits with studded belts. I asked Lily why she'd brought me to such a weird place, but she said she went there all the time, because it was the "in" place. The music was mostly unsigned indie acts and the drinks were weird concotions of all the colours of the rainbow. I only had one glass of a drink named "Kiss" and I was wobbling all over the place. Lily is so cool, though. She didn't sway once. Two guys came over. One of them (the one talking to Lily) was kind of cute, in a weird sort of way. He wore tight leather trousers and a fisherman's vest. (my gaydar was on overdrive - Lily didn't suspect a thing, though) and the one who was talking to me was a little less handsome, but more normal in terms of dress sense. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looked as out of place as I did. His name was Lawrence and he was a student at the local Uni. He was reading politics (boring!) He was ok. We had a good dance and a little kiss at the end of the night, but that was as far as it went. He kept asking about the coalition and as I don't understand and don't like politics, there was no future in that relationship. He will probably end up being president now! Oh well. Lily ended up snogging leather pants but I told her that he was probably gay too and so she didn't take his phone number.

Dating in New York is weird too. Lily tells me that you don't really have a proper boyfriend until you're sure you want to keep seeing them. At one point, she was dating several men at the same time and they were all dating several women. The way it goes is, that you eliminate the ones you aren't getting on with, until you end up with one and then you become steady. Lily's problem is that the ones she wants to go steady with have already decided to eliminate her. Sounds way too complicated for me. Here in England, we meet someone, decide they're half-decent and end up dating them for a while. Sometimes, people see more than one person at the same time, but this is frowned upon and is called cheating. I have never dated more than one person at the same time; mostly because I find it hard to find even one person who wants to date me. I know, I know, there was that small situation with Nick and Scott, but I didn't see them both at once, did I? It was a one-off.

Lila has been up to her old tricks again.  I went around to Mum's last Wednesday and she was getting some money out of her purse and I noticed she had a new handbag with a small leather dog hanging from it - a Radley bag! How can she afford that on her receptionist's salary? I confronted her but she just said that she had spent all of her first week's wages on it. I don't believe her. Most people get paid monthly nowadays. I bet she is still seeing some of those older men.

Work has been boring this week. Compared to America, my little town is so small and uneventful. I am going to see an old lady, next week, who claims she is the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe - should be interesting but if it is anything like the Elvis reincarnation I met months ago, it will be a disappointment.

I am going around to Ella's tonight. She has dumped her fella and organized a girls' night in. We are having, yet more, Chinese food and a girly gossip. She invited Lila and Erin too. I told her that if Lila was going I wouldn't be going and Erin is still loved-up so it will just be me and her. I am looking foward to it.

I hope I get some Easter eggs tomorrow. I love chocolate. I read an article in the Daily Mail, recently, that said chocolate keeps you thin. Great news. Enjoy and until next time...

Callie signing off

xxx

duh-duh-duh-duh-duh New York! New York!

Hi guys

I have so much to tell you but I'm too exhausted so I will do this more as a photo blog today. As you can see, most of the photos were taken by my good friend Lily, who was my hostess for the week. She was great - and as you can see, we are soooo alike! She loves the same stuff as me, too, including Dave Grohl - we actually got to meet him. He was in the Hard Rock Cafe, casually drinking a beer and he stared at us. Lily is more confident than me and so she dragged me over to say hi. I was dumbstruck. He was so nice, though. He is my all time hero. I thought he was the best drummer ever when he was in Nirvana, even though I was only a child at the time, but now he is in the Foos he is just the greatest. Anyway, I must stop gushing. I am going to show you a photo album of my New York journey.

Here goes...

There's me on Brooklyn Bridge footpath. I have highlighted myself just in case you can't see me. The view from up there was amazing. I would have taken a photo but Lily had my camera to take this one.

Next...

Here I am at the bottom of the Empire state building. I went to the top during the day and at night we went back to see how it looked all lit up. The city was amazing. I didn't want to come home!

We got a stranger to take this one of us both. She seemed trustworthy enough. What harm can an elderly lady from Florida do? I think she's done a great job with this one. The Statue of Liberty was so big. I know it looks big on telly and everything but when you actually get near it and go up into her head you just feel so small!

And last but not least, here is one I took myself.

And here is the last photo I took, before I got in a yellow cab to the airport.

All in all it was a great week. I've not long been back. I went to Mum's for tea; Dad picked me up from the airport. I've just poured myself a glass of red wine and I'm gonna go have a bath and probably an early night. This jet lag is making me drowsy. I will update you more next week, but until then...

Callie signing off

xxx

New York here I come...

Hi guys,

I'm typing this quickly while I wait for my taxi to take me to the airport. I'm all packed and I can't wait. I've not been able to sleep all week, I've been that excited. I swear I've lost weight too because of all the faffing round I've been doing. Lila is so jealous. I knew she would be. I loved rubbing it in last week at the Mother's day meal. Ha! At last, she is finally jealous of me - it's usually the other way around. She's been job hunting again. After being knocked back from the x-factor auditions and promising to stop seeing older men from that website, she's had to start thinking about other, more normal, ways to make money. She applied for a receptionist position at the local doctor's surgery; they're all narky cows in there so she will fit right in. The only problem is, that if for some reason I wanted to make an appointment for something embarrassing and she answered the phone I would have to tell her what the problem was. Our surgery has a rule, that all patients must tell the receptionist a short summary of what the problem is, when they book an appointment. Not that I have any embarrassing problems at the moment, but who knows what may happen in the future, right? Have you seen that TV program, "Embarrassing bodies"? Why anyone would want to go on there and show the world their bits is beyond me. I'd never seen it before, but the other night I was flicking through the channels and I saw a man with his bits out! And then they showed you this big piece of pink blubbery stuff with veins in it and it turned out it was a big lump of fatty tissue that used to surround his bits. I was in the middle of eating a chicken korma at the time and I was almost sick. I will never watch it again, that's for sure. Imagine how people who know that man will feel, when they meet him again, if they've seen that program? They will probably be more embarassed than him, because if he was embarrassed he wouldn't have stripped off for national telly, would he?

Anyway, on a different note, I'm taking my camera with me and I'm hoping to get some nice piccies to decorate my blog post within the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, some amazing things will happen to me while I'm there so I will have much more interesting things to write about than naked people (although I'm sure a lot of people think naked people are worth reading about, lol! But they are not my intended audience!).

Here's my cab. Gotta go! Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Duvet day

hi all,

How are you? I've had the best day today. What did I do? you may ask. The answer - nothing!
I  didn't get up until midday and then I went downstairs and made myself some nice bacon and eggs, then I got on  my settee and watched a box set of friends dvds. After three hours of friends, I decided to go back to bed for a while. I just lay there, all cozy in my pjs. Sometimes it does you good to just lounge around and do nothing. Tonight I'm going to Mum's. We're all having a family tea, now that Dad is up and about and tomorrow we are all going  out for a mother's day meal. I enjoy family time. Lila and I are still not speaking to each other but I guess I'll have to make the effort, to make Mum happy. I bought her a beauty experience at my local salon. It includes a hair cut and colour, a manicure and a facial. I hope she likes it, but knowing her she'll probably call me a cheeky cow and suggest I only got it for her because I thought she was in need of a beauty treatment. She's always been like that - trying to read too much into every situation. Totally oversensitive!

I guess I should tell you about my week. I got some exciting news on Thursday; I'm still buzzing! Lila is going to be sooo jealous when I brag about it later. Anyway, what happened was...my boss called me into his office and he said that he was starting to enjoy reading my little articles about being blonde and so on and that they were a good space filler for when there was a shortage of weird stories. He then went on to say that he thought that they were too good to only use as a space filler and that they should become a regular thing. He said that his friend, an editor of a popular newspaper, had a regular lifestyle columnist who did something similar and that since she started working for him his sales have increased tenfold.

I didn't know why he was telling me about this, until he said that he'd arranged for me to spend a week shadowing her and the best bit....drum roll...it's in New York!!! I'm so happy! I can't believe that I'm actually going to get to go somewhere I've always dreamed of. And I get to stay with a girl, not much older than me, who seems to be a good laugh. I've read some of her articles and they are hilarious. One recent article was "Does my bum look big in this?". It was all about how lardy bums could ruin your outfit and self-confidence and that the best thing to do in this situation was to buy knickers two sizes too large so that you always felt as though you had a cute little derriere. There were other things she said, too, which are too rude to print here!

I am so looking forward to going. I get to go next weekend and so I will tell you all about it and maybe put up some photos if I can. I emailed Nick to tell him all about it and he was gutted. I didn't mean to rub it in (well I guess I did really!) but it worked. He said he wished he'd stayed with our newspaper now. I told him that he wouldn't have been invited anyway, lol, but he replied to say that, with his expertise, that he would have been and he would have enjoyed taking me on a stroll around Central Park.
That was another reason I'd watched friends, this afternoon. I'm devouring anything to do with New York at the moment and it feels great!
Anyway, I've got to go for my daily run, now. It'll wake me up and stop me feeling like a slob. I've lost five pounds already and I can feel my cellulite just melting away.
Enjoy your night and have a great mother's day weekend. Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

gold digger

Hi guys

It didn't take me long (being a journalist, an' all) to find out what Lila's been up to. I wish I'd never found out. I didn't like her much before and I like her even less now. I have no respect for her at all and if she wasn't my sister I would have nothing at all to do with her. No wonder Dad's like he is. He's back home now and Mum's got him encased in her guest bedroom. She should have been a nurse; she just loves tending to him and making sure he's ok. It's nice, I guess. He's out of the danger zone now and he's been put on a special diet and he will have to do some regular exercise once he's recovered. He's been signed off work, too, but luckily he has an understanding boss who is still going to pay him.

Anyway, I reckon Lila should help considering she has more money than most people at the moment. It didn't really register with me (because I had so many other things going on at the time) that Lila had a little bit too much money for somebody who didn't have a job. Only the other day, I'd commented on a diamante bracelet she was wearing. Only I've now been informed that it was made of real diamonds and not the diamante she told me it was. I did think it looked too realistic to be fake, but then I didn't think she'd lie about it.

I feel a bit weird writing about it, to be honest, but I've led you all on enough, now and so you all deserve to know what she's been up to. It turns out she's been seeing rich older men and not in a romantic way, either. She found some internet site where older rich men ask for young, pretty girls to take out to dinner and spoil (and the rest, probably). Lila said it's all above board and the men aren't sleazy and that she isn't a prostitute. I told her that whether she sleeps with them or not, she is taking expensive gifts in exchange for dates and this is a form of prostituion, in my book. She then had the nerve to tell me that I was just jealous! We had a huge row. I told her that I enjoy my job and I work hard to pay my bills and buy myself nice things and I wouldn't date an old man, unless I felt attracted to him and he was a nice person and he wouldn't necessarily have to be rich. We're still not speaking to each other, which means I'm even lonlier this weekend. I really need some new friends to socialize with as mine have all dumped me for their fellas. I'm considering joining a night class to try and meet some new people or perhaps I'll write about it in my column.

Nick has started going out with his colleague. Apparently she's not that fussy about dating work mates. I'm a little bit jealous, I guess but he's not the one for me. I'm going to go out for a run now and then I'm going to drive to my local Chinese and pick up a take-out for one and a big bottle of wine to wash it down with.
Then I'm going to hire a dvd. I think I'll watch Mr Poppers Penguins. I've heard it's one of the funniest films ever and I need cheering up.

Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Lie low Lila

Hi there

Sorry I've not been writing much lately. My dad got rushed into hospital yesterday with a suspected heart attack. They're keeping him under observation and so I am going round there this evening when it's visiting hours. I just don't understand why it happened. My dad's not the sportiest guy around, but he likes to go walking a lot and he plays golf twice a week. His job's not that stressful either and he eats pretty well. My mum cooks a lot and she knows not to use too much fat and stuff, mainly because she likes to keep herself slim and Lila won't touch anything fattening, anyway.

After I left the hospital last night, Lila burst out crying (which she almost never does!) and told me that it was all her fault that Dad was in hospital. I asked her why she thought this and she said that Dad found out something about her and she made him promise to keep it a secret, but that the burden of this must have been too stressful for him. I asked her what could be so bad that it would do this type of damage, but now she won't tell me, either. She's just a spoilt little brat and always has been, in my opinion.

She's been acting weird lately, too.  I went round there last Wednesday because Mum had made her special curry and, as usual, she'd made too much and asked me to go and have some and so while I was waiting for her to dish it out I went up to Lila's room.  She acted all suspicious when I walked in (I never knock!) and she hid something underneath her blankets. I never did get to find out what it was, but now it all seems to be fitting together. She doesn't come out as much, either. The last two times I've asked her to come out to the pub she makes excuses. Mum said she's been going out a lot and she doesn't say where she's going. She's got no friends so she's up to something. Only Dad knows what, though and he's in no fit state to be interogated.

Nothing much else has been happening with me. Nick's sent me a couple of emails from his new job. He loves it. He says his new colleague reminds him of me; she's an independent woman with short, spiky hair (although it's probably not shaved) and she likes to get her own way. He will probably start asking her out, soon and so that will let me off the hook, I suppose.

I've been feeling really fed up, recently and Dad's heart attack has got me thinking that I should be doing more with my life. I should have a boyfriend, at least and I should be progressing in my career, too. Oh well, I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself now that Ella and Erin have both got themselves fellas. We all made a pact that, even if we got steady boyfriends, that we'd not dump our mates for them. It never works, though. I wouldn't have wanted to go out last night, after the drama with Dad, but even if I had wanted to go out, they'd both gone out on a double-date. I'm feeling left out, already.

Anyway, I'm going to go for a run now to get some sort of stress release and then I'm going to get ready to see Dad. Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx