Saturday, 25 February 2012

Creeps prefer blondes

Hi all

Today, I thought I'd tell you about a little experiment I decided to try as something new for my column. You all know that there's been a lack of interesting stories to investigate, recently and so I suggested to my boss, that seeing as I was currently bald and in need of a wig, that it might be something to write about. I told him how I was thinking about wearing a long, blonde wig for the week to see if gentleman preferred blondes and if blondes had more fun (because, I am in serious need of fun, believe me).  I almost fainted when he agreed.
So, I went into town and bought the aforementioned wig and I thought I looked quite good in it, although it swamped my petite frame a little. Lila thought it was hilarious and said I looked like Barbie, but my mum thought it looked good. "I always wanted you to have hair like a girl," she'd said, stroking the wig. "I do have hair like a girl, when I've not been scalped," I'd replied and she then said that she hated the 'punky' look I normally have. I told her it was modern and that all the cool journos wore their hair like that, but now she'd seen my Rapunzelesque look she wanted me to stay that way. I was half considering it, until the experiement...

The first thing I did was to go for a walk into town wearing it. I had men wolf-whistling and staring at me until their eyeballs almost exploded. What a load of pervs! Some of them were old enough to be my grandad. I then went to the cinema with Ella. She had a laugh when she saw me and I did feel jealous of her lovely red bob as I munched on my popcorn. I was starting to get into the movie when popcorn kept hitting the back of my head. Eventually, I'd had enough and I turned round to confront the culprit, expecting it to be some teenage yobbo, but it was a man, about thirty, who just smiled and winked at me. That was when I decided to leave the cinema, dragging Ella with me. We both went to the pizza parlour for some tea and the waiters kept bringing us extra bits and pieces such as tacos, salads and even a free bottle of wine. This had never happened before. The wig did have some benefits, I suppose.

On Thursday I borrowed Erin's Mum's dog and dressed in my scruffiest tracksuit and trainers, devoid of make-up, with my wig pulled back into a ponytail. Again, men in cars beeped while their eyes popped out of their heads. Another man walking a dog, stopped to ask me about Petal (the dog I was walking) and I pretended I was her owner and the lech asked me out, but I refused because he was old enough to be my dad.  I was getting annoyed with all the attention the wig was getting me.

On Friday I went out for a Chinese with Lila. She'd sent her hubby back to America. He'd finally gotten the message that she was over him. He agreed to file for divource. She obviously didn't see in him, what we all saw in him - total gorgeousness and a lovely, kind, personality. He didn't have the money to go with it, though. And that was always Lila's top priority. Lila's pretty and we usually get plenty of attention when we are in the Chinese but this time the waiters were saying, "Who's your friend?" to her (meaning me!). They see me all the time. I was starting to get annoyed. I felt like ripping the wig off my head and letting it go out by itself - it certainly attracted more attention in a week than I'd managed in twenty-three years.

Today I have folded it up and placed it back into the box. I was going to sell it online but something made me keep it. Who knows when I may need it again. It was fun, while it lasted but I want to go back to my usual ignore self. I'm quite looking forward to be able to walk down the street without a second glance, although my shaved head may still attract some looks (mostly of digust, but still).

I concluded, from this experiment, that men do prefer blondes - but not just any man, pervs mostly. And I didn't have more fun being blonde, although I did get a lot more free stuff when I went out. It's back to black for me. I will catch up with you all next week, but until then...

Callie signing of


Saturday, 18 February 2012

Shaved head Saturday

Hi guys,

I have been hibernating this past week. I went into work on Monday and it was horrible without Nick. My boss hardly speaks to me, anyway, and this week he hardly acknowledged me at all, except to tell me that I had to go to the local primary school to speak to a teaching assistant who has found a new way to teach children to read. I went along, hoping that this would be the start of something big, because if she had, in fact, found something unique, which really worked, then surely my article would be picked up nationally, because this sort of thing is in the news a lot lately. It turned out that she hadn't been doing anything original, at all. Her strategy involved getting magnetic letters and asking children to put them together to make words that "sound right". She said that if children realized they needed both consontants and vowels to make a word, then they were on their way to reading and understanding language. Erin is a teaching assistant and she's been doing something similar for the past six months. As far as I'm aware, this is the norm. It was a total waste of time. And if that wasn't bad enough, a five-year old boy decided to splash green paint all over my new tweed trousers.

On Tuesday, I was watching one of those makeover shows and I realized that I hadn't had my hair cut for a while. I usually like to wear it short and funky but it had grown out, recently and was looking a little boring. So, the next day I booked an appointment with my regular hairdresser, Sam. She's been doing my hair for over 5 years now. Before that, I had a male hairdresser, Alan. He was great, but he got a job on a cruise ship and so I had two disastrous haircuts before finding Melissa, who used to do a great messed-up look, but she got pregnant and so I had another disastrous cut and colour before finding Sam. I used to dread the thought of Sam getting pregnant or leaving the country but after Thursday's disaster I don't care what happens to her.

Sam knows me well. She knows exactly what cut I have and she's been doing it, without asking, for all the time I've been going there. Sometimes, she'd ask me if I wanted to try something different but I'd always shake my head. She didn't ask on Thursday; she just took out her scissors and started cutting away, as usual, asking me about my love-life. Then, without me even noticing, she managed to get hold of a razor and shave half my head! Usually, when hairdressers get the mirror and show me the back of my head I just nod, because I don't see the point of it really, but when she did it on Thursday and I saw my scalp I just screamed. The front of my head wasn't much better, either. I look horrible. I'm glad Nick has left. I wouldn't want him seeing me looking like something like Demi Moore in Gi Jane, or whatever it was called.

Here is my new look:

As you can see, this is a man. I look like a man!! It is gonna take ages to grow. Why did she do it? What possessed her? I think I will need to invest in a wig. In the meantime, I've been wearing one of those big crocheted headbands with a bow on it. At least then people will know I'm a a girl.

I will be staying in tonight (for obvious reasons) and probably for the rest of my life; well, until my hair grows anyway. The worst thing was, that I actually paid for the cut! What else could I do? I think I was so shocked that she'd actually scalped me that there was nothing else I could do.

Anyway, I hope you are all having great hair days and an enjoyable weekend so far,

Until next time,

Callie signing off


Saturday, 11 February 2012

Thank goodness it's Saturday

Hi guys,

It's Saturday night and I've nowhere to go, boo hoo. Nick has asked me to come out with him for goodbye drinks. He left yesterday. He got offered both jobs and so he chose the one in Liverpool so he can stay in his house. He told me there was no excuse for us to not date, now that he wasn't a work colleague. I've told him I'll think about it. I know I'm going to miss him a lot. I'm not looking forward to working alone, again. It was fun having a colleague. I've decided against going to Nick's send off, though. If I got too drunk and over emotional, then things might go too far. I'm best spending the evening alone with the TV and a glass of wine. I feel too tired to cook, so I think I'll order a Chinese too.

I don't want to go around to Mum's because there's still all the trouble with Lila and her husband. The last I heard, they were on speaking terms, but Lila was adament she wasn't going back to America.

Ella is on emergency duty, tonight and so I can't go out with her and Erin has a date. He's a teacher at the school where she works. I warned her about seeing work colleagues, but she said he was too cute to turn down. She said she'd fancied him ever since she started at the school and now that he has finally asked her out she doesn't want to spoil things by turning him down. They're going to watch the new muppet movie. Doesn't that just say it all? No wonder he went into teaching, he's probably never lost his childish sense of humour. Erin doesn't really have any sense of humour so good luck to him, I say. I'm just jealous, I suppose. Life is too boring at the moment and if nothing exciting happens soon then this blog is going to become much shorter!

I'm going to go and have a nice soak in the bath now. I will let you know what happens at work, next week. Maybe they will hire me a new partner. Who knows? Until then,

Callie signing off xxx

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Squelchy Saturday

Hi guys

Don't you just love the word, Squelchy? I had to nip to the newsagents this morning to get a card for the electric meter and I didn't want to drive because that's just too lazy when it's only a ten minute walk. I put on my pink strawberry-patterned wellies and enjoyed myself, splashing in puddles and walking on the squelchy grass. It took me right back to my childhood, which was good considering the stress I've been going through lately...

Things are still dead in work. We only got sent to one job last week and that was a waste of time. We were supposed to see a bearded lady, but it was just a man in drag! We did an interview with him, or should I say her, but I still feel like we are letting our readers down. Let's face it, not a lot goes on in a small town. I've been here a couple of years now so I suppose it's time for me to start setting my sights a little higher. Nick has already applied for two positions, one in London. In one way I hope he gets it because it will make life less awkward, but on the other hand, I've become really close to him and I wouldn't want to lose touch with him. What will be will be I suppose.

I'm saving the best til last...Yesterday, I was minding my own business, tidying up my desk and searching the internet for other possible weird stories when a distressed Lila literally burst through the door of my office. I don't know why reception let her in, but anyway, she was hyper-ventilating and when I finally got her to calm down she told me that Edward had found her. "Who's Edward?" I asked, not really thinking and I almost hyper-ventilated when she told me it was her husband. He'd tracked her down and while she was telling me all about it he was shacked up with our mum, having a nice cup of tea. Apparently, Mum thinks he's gorgeous and she said he can stay with her as long as he wants. So now, he is staying indefinitely, while he and Lila sort themselves out. Lila hadn't told us what happened in Las Vegas, but I always assumed that it was her husband who was the bad guy. When I finally got to meet him yesterday evening, I also found him charming and really good looking. He told me that Lila just disappeared one day and he's been looking for her ever since. I still can't believe she would do that; I know she can be selfish, but that was taking the biscuit! He'd come to England to find out what he'd done wrong and to see if they could make it work. As Lila spent most of the night locked in her bedroom, I think it is best if the poor guy goes back home and hires himself a good lawyer.

Apart from that, nothing much else has happened this week. I'm going out with Erin tonight. We're going for a Chinese meal and then we're hitting the town. I need a new fella. That way, Nick will get the message that I'm not interested in him, that way and I might start to have a little excitement in my life. I will let you know all about it next Saturday. I usually find some time to write during the weekend, which is often lacking during the week. I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend and until next time...

Callie signing off xxx