Creeps prefer blondes

Hi all

Today, I thought I'd tell you about a little experiment I decided to try as something new for my column. You all know that there's been a lack of interesting stories to investigate, recently and so I suggested to my boss, that seeing as I was currently bald and in need of a wig, that it might be something to write about. I told him how I was thinking about wearing a long, blonde wig for the week to see if gentleman preferred blondes and if blondes had more fun (because, I am in serious need of fun, believe me).  I almost fainted when he agreed.
So, I went into town and bought the aforementioned wig and I thought I looked quite good in it, although it swamped my petite frame a little. Lila thought it was hilarious and said I looked like Barbie, but my mum thought it looked good. "I always wanted you to have hair like a girl," she'd said, stroking the wig. "I do have hair like a girl, when I've not been scalped," I'd replied and she then said that she hated the 'punky' look I normally have. I told her it was modern and that all the cool journos wore their hair like that, but now she'd seen my Rapunzelesque look she wanted me to stay that way. I was half considering it, until the experiement...

The first thing I did was to go for a walk into town wearing it. I had men wolf-whistling and staring at me until their eyeballs almost exploded. What a load of pervs! Some of them were old enough to be my grandad. I then went to the cinema with Ella. She had a laugh when she saw me and I did feel jealous of her lovely red bob as I munched on my popcorn. I was starting to get into the movie when popcorn kept hitting the back of my head. Eventually, I'd had enough and I turned round to confront the culprit, expecting it to be some teenage yobbo, but it was a man, about thirty, who just smiled and winked at me. That was when I decided to leave the cinema, dragging Ella with me. We both went to the pizza parlour for some tea and the waiters kept bringing us extra bits and pieces such as tacos, salads and even a free bottle of wine. This had never happened before. The wig did have some benefits, I suppose.

On Thursday I borrowed Erin's Mum's dog and dressed in my scruffiest tracksuit and trainers, devoid of make-up, with my wig pulled back into a ponytail. Again, men in cars beeped while their eyes popped out of their heads. Another man walking a dog, stopped to ask me about Petal (the dog I was walking) and I pretended I was her owner and the lech asked me out, but I refused because he was old enough to be my dad.  I was getting annoyed with all the attention the wig was getting me.

On Friday I went out for a Chinese with Lila. She'd sent her hubby back to America. He'd finally gotten the message that she was over him. He agreed to file for divource. She obviously didn't see in him, what we all saw in him - total gorgeousness and a lovely, kind, personality. He didn't have the money to go with it, though. And that was always Lila's top priority. Lila's pretty and we usually get plenty of attention when we are in the Chinese but this time the waiters were saying, "Who's your friend?" to her (meaning me!). They see me all the time. I was starting to get annoyed. I felt like ripping the wig off my head and letting it go out by itself - it certainly attracted more attention in a week than I'd managed in twenty-three years.

Today I have folded it up and placed it back into the box. I was going to sell it online but something made me keep it. Who knows when I may need it again. It was fun, while it lasted but I want to go back to my usual ignore self. I'm quite looking forward to be able to walk down the street without a second glance, although my shaved head may still attract some looks (mostly of digust, but still).

I concluded, from this experiment, that men do prefer blondes - but not just any man, pervs mostly. And I didn't have more fun being blonde, although I did get a lot more free stuff when I went out. It's back to black for me. I will catch up with you all next week, but until then...


Callie signing of

xxx

Shaved head Saturday

Hi guys,

I have been hibernating this past week. I went into work on Monday and it was horrible without Nick. My boss hardly speaks to me, anyway, and this week he hardly acknowledged me at all, except to tell me that I had to go to the local primary school to speak to a teaching assistant who has found a new way to teach children to read. I went along, hoping that this would be the start of something big, because if she had, in fact, found something unique, which really worked, then surely my article would be picked up nationally, because this sort of thing is in the news a lot lately. It turned out that she hadn't been doing anything original, at all. Her strategy involved getting magnetic letters and asking children to put them together to make words that "sound right". She said that if children realized they needed both consontants and vowels to make a word, then they were on their way to reading and understanding language. Erin is a teaching assistant and she's been doing something similar for the past six months. As far as I'm aware, this is the norm. It was a total waste of time. And if that wasn't bad enough, a five-year old boy decided to splash green paint all over my new tweed trousers.

On Tuesday, I was watching one of those makeover shows and I realized that I hadn't had my hair cut for a while. I usually like to wear it short and funky but it had grown out, recently and was looking a little boring. So, the next day I booked an appointment with my regular hairdresser, Sam. She's been doing my hair for over 5 years now. Before that, I had a male hairdresser, Alan. He was great, but he got a job on a cruise ship and so I had two disastrous haircuts before finding Melissa, who used to do a great messed-up look, but she got pregnant and so I had another disastrous cut and colour before finding Sam. I used to dread the thought of Sam getting pregnant or leaving the country but after Thursday's disaster I don't care what happens to her.

Sam knows me well. She knows exactly what cut I have and she's been doing it, without asking, for all the time I've been going there. Sometimes, she'd ask me if I wanted to try something different but I'd always shake my head. She didn't ask on Thursday; she just took out her scissors and started cutting away, as usual, asking me about my love-life. Then, without me even noticing, she managed to get hold of a razor and shave half my head! Usually, when hairdressers get the mirror and show me the back of my head I just nod, because I don't see the point of it really, but when she did it on Thursday and I saw my scalp I just screamed. The front of my head wasn't much better, either. I look horrible. I'm glad Nick has left. I wouldn't want him seeing me looking like something like Demi Moore in Gi Jane, or whatever it was called.

Here is my new look:

As you can see, this is a man. I look like a man!! It is gonna take ages to grow. Why did she do it? What possessed her? I think I will need to invest in a wig. In the meantime, I've been wearing one of those big crocheted headbands with a bow on it. At least then people will know I'm a a girl.

I will be staying in tonight (for obvious reasons) and probably for the rest of my life; well, until my hair grows anyway. The worst thing was, that I actually paid for the cut! What else could I do? I think I was so shocked that she'd actually scalped me that there was nothing else I could do.

Anyway, I hope you are all having great hair days and an enjoyable weekend so far,

Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Thank goodness it's Saturday

Hi guys,

It's Saturday night and I've nowhere to go, boo hoo. Nick has asked me to come out with him for goodbye drinks. He left yesterday. He got offered both jobs and so he chose the one in Liverpool so he can stay in his house. He told me there was no excuse for us to not date, now that he wasn't a work colleague. I've told him I'll think about it. I know I'm going to miss him a lot. I'm not looking forward to working alone, again. It was fun having a colleague. I've decided against going to Nick's send off, though. If I got too drunk and over emotional, then things might go too far. I'm best spending the evening alone with the TV and a glass of wine. I feel too tired to cook, so I think I'll order a Chinese too.

I don't want to go around to Mum's because there's still all the trouble with Lila and her husband. The last I heard, they were on speaking terms, but Lila was adament she wasn't going back to America.

Ella is on emergency duty, tonight and so I can't go out with her and Erin has a date. He's a teacher at the school where she works. I warned her about seeing work colleagues, but she said he was too cute to turn down. She said she'd fancied him ever since she started at the school and now that he has finally asked her out she doesn't want to spoil things by turning him down. They're going to watch the new muppet movie. Doesn't that just say it all? No wonder he went into teaching, he's probably never lost his childish sense of humour. Erin doesn't really have any sense of humour so good luck to him, I say. I'm just jealous, I suppose. Life is too boring at the moment and if nothing exciting happens soon then this blog is going to become much shorter!

I'm going to go and have a nice soak in the bath now. I will let you know what happens at work, next week. Maybe they will hire me a new partner. Who knows? Until then,

Callie signing off xxx

Squelchy Saturday

Hi guys

Don't you just love the word, Squelchy? I had to nip to the newsagents this morning to get a card for the electric meter and I didn't want to drive because that's just too lazy when it's only a ten minute walk. I put on my pink strawberry-patterned wellies and enjoyed myself, splashing in puddles and walking on the squelchy grass. It took me right back to my childhood, which was good considering the stress I've been going through lately...

Things are still dead in work. We only got sent to one job last week and that was a waste of time. We were supposed to see a bearded lady, but it was just a man in drag! We did an interview with him, or should I say her, but I still feel like we are letting our readers down. Let's face it, not a lot goes on in a small town. I've been here a couple of years now so I suppose it's time for me to start setting my sights a little higher. Nick has already applied for two positions, one in London. In one way I hope he gets it because it will make life less awkward, but on the other hand, I've become really close to him and I wouldn't want to lose touch with him. What will be will be I suppose.

I'm saving the best til last...Yesterday, I was minding my own business, tidying up my desk and searching the internet for other possible weird stories when a distressed Lila literally burst through the door of my office. I don't know why reception let her in, but anyway, she was hyper-ventilating and when I finally got her to calm down she told me that Edward had found her. "Who's Edward?" I asked, not really thinking and I almost hyper-ventilated when she told me it was her husband. He'd tracked her down and while she was telling me all about it he was shacked up with our mum, having a nice cup of tea. Apparently, Mum thinks he's gorgeous and she said he can stay with her as long as he wants. So now, he is staying indefinitely, while he and Lila sort themselves out. Lila hadn't told us what happened in Las Vegas, but I always assumed that it was her husband who was the bad guy. When I finally got to meet him yesterday evening, I also found him charming and really good looking. He told me that Lila just disappeared one day and he's been looking for her ever since. I still can't believe she would do that; I know she can be selfish, but that was taking the biscuit! He'd come to England to find out what he'd done wrong and to see if they could make it work. As Lila spent most of the night locked in her bedroom, I think it is best if the poor guy goes back home and hires himself a good lawyer.

Apart from that, nothing much else has happened this week. I'm going out with Erin tonight. We're going for a Chinese meal and then we're hitting the town. I need a new fella. That way, Nick will get the message that I'm not interested in him, that way and I might start to have a little excitement in my life. I will let you know all about it next Saturday. I usually find some time to write during the weekend, which is often lacking during the week. I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend and until next time...

Callie signing off xxx

What's in a name

Hi guys

I've decided to be a bit more adventurous with my titles now that I'm posting every Friday. I will also post some surprise updates whenever something exciting happens and I just have to tell you all. Nothing has happened this week though. I always take this as a positive; better for nothing to happen than to have something terrible happen, I guess. Work has been boring. There have been no assignments to go to and so Nick and I have spent time going through some old files and generally having a tidy up in the office. It's weird really - it's like we haven't had that much to say to each other because we've had no weirdos to talk about and we are avoiding the subject of our on-off romance. I feel as though moving past the line of friendship has ruined our friendship somehow. I think he isn't talking to me because I refuse to go out with him properly. I know he is reading this but I am not going to worry about that anymore because I want my blog to reflect my true feelings.

Anyway, as I've nothing exciting to write about I thought I would discuss names. Oh, I did get some news; my friend Nikki in Australia has announced her pregnancy. I have told her to make sure she gives her child a good, modern name. It seems to be trendy right now to name your child after an old biddy. Now don't get me wrong. I've got nothing against old biddies, in fact I love them - they make me laugh and I will be one, one day, but I have got something against these modern parents calling their child Arthur, Gladys or Ethel. These names aren't meant for anyone under 60! Why are people doing this? Nikki has promised not to do it, but I'm not holding my breath. I've been saddled with a name more suited to someone older and I wouldn't want to inflict that on a poor little defencesless.

I was watching the news the other day and there was this bit on it about the London 2012 olympics and they were talking to Fatima Whitbread - one of the greatest athletes of all time, in my opinion. The reporter asked her what was the inspiration for her sporting career. I can't remember what she said now but I bet it was her name. I have always felt sorry for her. Fatima! I bet she was so determined not to be fati by nature as well as by name that she started to make sure she didn't put on weight. The only way you could shorten Fatima (and kids always shorten names, don't they?) is to call her Fati or Fat ; both equally insulting. I'm not surprised she is known for her great sporting prowess and physique. I suppose you could say, if this was a possible reason for her sporting career, that her name was her success, I suppose. She is the exception though. Please readers, do not call your child a name that will get them picked on in school. Lila knew a girl, when she was living in America, who was called Annette Ball - what were her parents thinking!

Anyway, I've said my piece. Tonight I've arranged for the girls to come round to my apartment for a pizza and a chick flick. Lila can't make it because she has a date; someone she met while browsing for mobile phones, apparently. She said their eyes met over the gadget display counter. Weird.

Wishing you all a great weekend and until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Washed-out Wednesday

Guys,

So sorry I've not posted. I got called away on a work assignment - more about that later. I'll start by continuing from where I left off; I went to Ella's for our girly night out and Erin and Lila were also there. Ella's house is goregous now that it's been decorated. We spent some time mixing some cocktails before heading out on the town. Ella got a cocktail book for Christmas and we had some weird concoctions. My favourite one had baileys in it, some sort of fruit juice, brandy and topped with whipped cream, chocolate flakes and glace cherries. Yum. I felt sort of sick after tasting some of the others including one which had pernod and cider in it. (not very cocktaily I know).

It turned out to be a bit of a man hunt. All of us are single at the moment. Ella has just broken up with the rocker she's been dating. Apparently, some of her work colleagues disapproved and as she works in social services she thought she'd better dump him. Ella puts her work first. I couldn't do her job. She has to go to people's houses who treat their children terribly and some of the people she deals with are rude and sometimes aggressive. Erin is still living with her mum. She's got a new job as a teaching assistant. She likes it so far but the deputy headmistress is a bit of a pain and causes her grief sometimes. Lila is still waiting for her X-factor audition but in the meantime she keeps the job centre staff smiling by applying for as many jobs she knows she won't get as she can.

Anyway, we all went into town last week and we were drunk before we even got into the local niteclub, "Taffy's". It plays really cheesy music and a lot of sad old men in their forties go in there with their shirts open and big medallions on and other younger lads go in there wearing tracky bottoms tucked into knee high socks. There is no dress code and, to be honest, most of the men that go in there are not my type (and that's putting it kindly). Last week was pretty much the same as most weeks. Lila ended up talking to a young dark-skinned man who looked like a drug-dealer to me, but she liked him and said he was a nurse (well he certainly prescribes medication, I thought.) The only man who talked to me was about thirty and he had a geordie accent. He was working on a building site near me. That was the only bit I could understand. He wasn't ugly but he wasn't nice either. I made my excuses and spent the rest of the night dancing with Ella. Erin went home early because she was sick in the toilets. We made sure she got a taxi ok. And that was that really. It was a good night just catching up with the girls. We had a laugh and we said we'd make it a regular thing, at least once a month. Only the next time we'd go somewhere with more talent.


Anyway, I didn;t get to see the Agatha Christie girl because Nick and I got sent on a job. Our boss sent us all the way to Ireland because a local newspaper there was doing something similar to us and we had a sort of work swap thing where two of their staff came to England and we went to Ireland. We both got to learn things about how each other's organisations worked. In short, it was a bit of a jolly with lots of drinking (especially in Ireland!) and lots of irish dancing. I loved it. I would move there if I could. We didn't even get that much work done. It seems that they pretty much did the same things we did and so we spent most of the time meeting some very strange people and discussing them over alcohol later on. Nick tried it on a few times but I maintained my dignity and told him that I really didn't think it was a good idea for us to get together because it might compromise our working relationship. He insists that he will wear me down. We will have to see about that. Anyway, I'm going to sign off now because I'm off to the gym. After my recent trip to Ireland I have a few pounds to shift.


Take care and until next time,

Callie signing off xxx

Fat Friday

Hi guys

Hope you're all ok. I've had a bit of a boring week, well I say boring, but what I really mean is crappy really.  I was off sick for the first part of it and the more I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself the more I kept thinking about Nick. I'd given up thinking about Scott, but as I lay there stuffing myself with the eclairs that Lila kindly brought round to me (feed a cold, remember) I heard a knock on the door and I expected it to be Mum but when I opened it I almost collapsed when I saw it was Scott. I looked absolutely terrible (well there was no point in dressing up was there?) I had my smiley- faced pattern pyjamas on, my hair was unwashed (and had been for 4 days) and my skin was pale - exept for my red nose. He instinctively moved back, horrified obviously.

He had a bunch of flowers for me. I asked him how he knew I would be home on a Tuesday afternoon and he said Nick had told him I was sick and it turned out that he had also had a go at Scott and told him that if he didn't want to be with me anymore he should tell me so Nick could ask me out.

Anyway, I asked him what he wanted and he said that he did still like me and he'd just been busy with work and he was thinking carefully about us because he didn't really want to get serious with anyone who had a jealous streak. I told him that all women have jealous streaks, but most manage to keep them under control.

I told Scott that I wasn't sure I wanted to get serious with someone who could avoid all contact with me for such a long time. I told him that it would have been polite if he'd at least texted me to say that he was working, but he said he was too busy to do this and I said that if he was too busy to text me then he was someone I definitely didn't want to be with. And so that's that. We are officially over. At least I have closure now, though.

I went into work today and I told Nick about Scott and me but now he thinks that I want to get back with him. (Nick, if you're reading this I don't want to get with you either. Sorry but I want to keep work and my personal life separate.) I told Nick this at work but he said he is keeping his hopes up. He said he might have to look for a new job so we could date and I told him that if he left me in the lurch at work I wouldn't go out with him anyway. Oh well, I'm going to Mum's tonight. She's making her casserole (she always makes too much). After that Lila and I are hitting the town. I'm still recovering from the lurgy and so we'll only go the local karaoke bar. I've also been in touch with Ella and Erin and I've finally set up a date for a girls' night out. Tomorrow. We are all meeting up at Ella's. She's finally decorated so she's eager to show off. I've missed the girls so much.

We have a good few jobs lined up next week too. I'm supposed to be going to see a guinea-rabbit ( a cross between a guinea-pig and a rabbit- apparently it is impossible for such an animal to exist) and a girl who claims she is posessed by the spirit of Agatha Christie. Exciting stuff.

Anyway, I wish you all a great weekend and I will let you know more about my life when I update next week. Until then,


Callie signing off

xxx