duh-duh-duh-duh-duh New York! New York!

Hi guys

I have so much to tell you but I'm too exhausted so I will do this more as a photo blog today. As you can see, most of the photos were taken by my good friend Lily, who was my hostess for the week. She was great - and as you can see, we are soooo alike! She loves the same stuff as me, too, including Dave Grohl - we actually got to meet him. He was in the Hard Rock Cafe, casually drinking a beer and he stared at us. Lily is more confident than me and so she dragged me over to say hi. I was dumbstruck. He was so nice, though. He is my all time hero. I thought he was the best drummer ever when he was in Nirvana, even though I was only a child at the time, but now he is in the Foos he is just the greatest. Anyway, I must stop gushing. I am going to show you a photo album of my New York journey.

Here goes...

There's me on Brooklyn Bridge footpath. I have highlighted myself just in case you can't see me. The view from up there was amazing. I would have taken a photo but Lily had my camera to take this one.

Next...

Here I am at the bottom of the Empire state building. I went to the top during the day and at night we went back to see how it looked all lit up. The city was amazing. I didn't want to come home!

We got a stranger to take this one of us both. She seemed trustworthy enough. What harm can an elderly lady from Florida do? I think she's done a great job with this one. The Statue of Liberty was so big. I know it looks big on telly and everything but when you actually get near it and go up into her head you just feel so small!

And last but not least, here is one I took myself.

And here is the last photo I took, before I got in a yellow cab to the airport.

All in all it was a great week. I've not long been back. I went to Mum's for tea; Dad picked me up from the airport. I've just poured myself a glass of red wine and I'm gonna go have a bath and probably an early night. This jet lag is making me drowsy. I will update you more next week, but until then...

Callie signing off

xxx

New York here I come...

Hi guys,

I'm typing this quickly while I wait for my taxi to take me to the airport. I'm all packed and I can't wait. I've not been able to sleep all week, I've been that excited. I swear I've lost weight too because of all the faffing round I've been doing. Lila is so jealous. I knew she would be. I loved rubbing it in last week at the Mother's day meal. Ha! At last, she is finally jealous of me - it's usually the other way around. She's been job hunting again. After being knocked back from the x-factor auditions and promising to stop seeing older men from that website, she's had to start thinking about other, more normal, ways to make money. She applied for a receptionist position at the local doctor's surgery; they're all narky cows in there so she will fit right in. The only problem is, that if for some reason I wanted to make an appointment for something embarrassing and she answered the phone I would have to tell her what the problem was. Our surgery has a rule, that all patients must tell the receptionist a short summary of what the problem is, when they book an appointment. Not that I have any embarrassing problems at the moment, but who knows what may happen in the future, right? Have you seen that TV program, "Embarrassing bodies"? Why anyone would want to go on there and show the world their bits is beyond me. I'd never seen it before, but the other night I was flicking through the channels and I saw a man with his bits out! And then they showed you this big piece of pink blubbery stuff with veins in it and it turned out it was a big lump of fatty tissue that used to surround his bits. I was in the middle of eating a chicken korma at the time and I was almost sick. I will never watch it again, that's for sure. Imagine how people who know that man will feel, when they meet him again, if they've seen that program? They will probably be more embarassed than him, because if he was embarrassed he wouldn't have stripped off for national telly, would he?

Anyway, on a different note, I'm taking my camera with me and I'm hoping to get some nice piccies to decorate my blog post within the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, some amazing things will happen to me while I'm there so I will have much more interesting things to write about than naked people (although I'm sure a lot of people think naked people are worth reading about, lol! But they are not my intended audience!).

Here's my cab. Gotta go! Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Duvet day

hi all,

How are you? I've had the best day today. What did I do? you may ask. The answer - nothing!
I  didn't get up until midday and then I went downstairs and made myself some nice bacon and eggs, then I got on  my settee and watched a box set of friends dvds. After three hours of friends, I decided to go back to bed for a while. I just lay there, all cozy in my pjs. Sometimes it does you good to just lounge around and do nothing. Tonight I'm going to Mum's. We're all having a family tea, now that Dad is up and about and tomorrow we are all going  out for a mother's day meal. I enjoy family time. Lila and I are still not speaking to each other but I guess I'll have to make the effort, to make Mum happy. I bought her a beauty experience at my local salon. It includes a hair cut and colour, a manicure and a facial. I hope she likes it, but knowing her she'll probably call me a cheeky cow and suggest I only got it for her because I thought she was in need of a beauty treatment. She's always been like that - trying to read too much into every situation. Totally oversensitive!

I guess I should tell you about my week. I got some exciting news on Thursday; I'm still buzzing! Lila is going to be sooo jealous when I brag about it later. Anyway, what happened was...my boss called me into his office and he said that he was starting to enjoy reading my little articles about being blonde and so on and that they were a good space filler for when there was a shortage of weird stories. He then went on to say that he thought that they were too good to only use as a space filler and that they should become a regular thing. He said that his friend, an editor of a popular newspaper, had a regular lifestyle columnist who did something similar and that since she started working for him his sales have increased tenfold.

I didn't know why he was telling me about this, until he said that he'd arranged for me to spend a week shadowing her and the best bit....drum roll...it's in New York!!! I'm so happy! I can't believe that I'm actually going to get to go somewhere I've always dreamed of. And I get to stay with a girl, not much older than me, who seems to be a good laugh. I've read some of her articles and they are hilarious. One recent article was "Does my bum look big in this?". It was all about how lardy bums could ruin your outfit and self-confidence and that the best thing to do in this situation was to buy knickers two sizes too large so that you always felt as though you had a cute little derriere. There were other things she said, too, which are too rude to print here!

I am so looking forward to going. I get to go next weekend and so I will tell you all about it and maybe put up some photos if I can. I emailed Nick to tell him all about it and he was gutted. I didn't mean to rub it in (well I guess I did really!) but it worked. He said he wished he'd stayed with our newspaper now. I told him that he wouldn't have been invited anyway, lol, but he replied to say that, with his expertise, that he would have been and he would have enjoyed taking me on a stroll around Central Park.
That was another reason I'd watched friends, this afternoon. I'm devouring anything to do with New York at the moment and it feels great!
Anyway, I've got to go for my daily run, now. It'll wake me up and stop me feeling like a slob. I've lost five pounds already and I can feel my cellulite just melting away.
Enjoy your night and have a great mother's day weekend. Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

gold digger

Hi guys

It didn't take me long (being a journalist, an' all) to find out what Lila's been up to. I wish I'd never found out. I didn't like her much before and I like her even less now. I have no respect for her at all and if she wasn't my sister I would have nothing at all to do with her. No wonder Dad's like he is. He's back home now and Mum's got him encased in her guest bedroom. She should have been a nurse; she just loves tending to him and making sure he's ok. It's nice, I guess. He's out of the danger zone now and he's been put on a special diet and he will have to do some regular exercise once he's recovered. He's been signed off work, too, but luckily he has an understanding boss who is still going to pay him.

Anyway, I reckon Lila should help considering she has more money than most people at the moment. It didn't really register with me (because I had so many other things going on at the time) that Lila had a little bit too much money for somebody who didn't have a job. Only the other day, I'd commented on a diamante bracelet she was wearing. Only I've now been informed that it was made of real diamonds and not the diamante she told me it was. I did think it looked too realistic to be fake, but then I didn't think she'd lie about it.

I feel a bit weird writing about it, to be honest, but I've led you all on enough, now and so you all deserve to know what she's been up to. It turns out she's been seeing rich older men and not in a romantic way, either. She found some internet site where older rich men ask for young, pretty girls to take out to dinner and spoil (and the rest, probably). Lila said it's all above board and the men aren't sleazy and that she isn't a prostitute. I told her that whether she sleeps with them or not, she is taking expensive gifts in exchange for dates and this is a form of prostituion, in my book. She then had the nerve to tell me that I was just jealous! We had a huge row. I told her that I enjoy my job and I work hard to pay my bills and buy myself nice things and I wouldn't date an old man, unless I felt attracted to him and he was a nice person and he wouldn't necessarily have to be rich. We're still not speaking to each other, which means I'm even lonlier this weekend. I really need some new friends to socialize with as mine have all dumped me for their fellas. I'm considering joining a night class to try and meet some new people or perhaps I'll write about it in my column.

Nick has started going out with his colleague. Apparently she's not that fussy about dating work mates. I'm a little bit jealous, I guess but he's not the one for me. I'm going to go out for a run now and then I'm going to drive to my local Chinese and pick up a take-out for one and a big bottle of wine to wash it down with.
Then I'm going to hire a dvd. I think I'll watch Mr Poppers Penguins. I've heard it's one of the funniest films ever and I need cheering up.

Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Lie low Lila

Hi there

Sorry I've not been writing much lately. My dad got rushed into hospital yesterday with a suspected heart attack. They're keeping him under observation and so I am going round there this evening when it's visiting hours. I just don't understand why it happened. My dad's not the sportiest guy around, but he likes to go walking a lot and he plays golf twice a week. His job's not that stressful either and he eats pretty well. My mum cooks a lot and she knows not to use too much fat and stuff, mainly because she likes to keep herself slim and Lila won't touch anything fattening, anyway.

After I left the hospital last night, Lila burst out crying (which she almost never does!) and told me that it was all her fault that Dad was in hospital. I asked her why she thought this and she said that Dad found out something about her and she made him promise to keep it a secret, but that the burden of this must have been too stressful for him. I asked her what could be so bad that it would do this type of damage, but now she won't tell me, either. She's just a spoilt little brat and always has been, in my opinion.

She's been acting weird lately, too.  I went round there last Wednesday because Mum had made her special curry and, as usual, she'd made too much and asked me to go and have some and so while I was waiting for her to dish it out I went up to Lila's room.  She acted all suspicious when I walked in (I never knock!) and she hid something underneath her blankets. I never did get to find out what it was, but now it all seems to be fitting together. She doesn't come out as much, either. The last two times I've asked her to come out to the pub she makes excuses. Mum said she's been going out a lot and she doesn't say where she's going. She's got no friends so she's up to something. Only Dad knows what, though and he's in no fit state to be interogated.

Nothing much else has been happening with me. Nick's sent me a couple of emails from his new job. He loves it. He says his new colleague reminds him of me; she's an independent woman with short, spiky hair (although it's probably not shaved) and she likes to get her own way. He will probably start asking her out, soon and so that will let me off the hook, I suppose.

I've been feeling really fed up, recently and Dad's heart attack has got me thinking that I should be doing more with my life. I should have a boyfriend, at least and I should be progressing in my career, too. Oh well, I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself now that Ella and Erin have both got themselves fellas. We all made a pact that, even if we got steady boyfriends, that we'd not dump our mates for them. It never works, though. I wouldn't have wanted to go out last night, after the drama with Dad, but even if I had wanted to go out, they'd both gone out on a double-date. I'm feeling left out, already.

Anyway, I'm going to go for a run now to get some sort of stress release and then I'm going to get ready to see Dad. Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Creeps prefer blondes

Hi all

Today, I thought I'd tell you about a little experiment I decided to try as something new for my column. You all know that there's been a lack of interesting stories to investigate, recently and so I suggested to my boss, that seeing as I was currently bald and in need of a wig, that it might be something to write about. I told him how I was thinking about wearing a long, blonde wig for the week to see if gentleman preferred blondes and if blondes had more fun (because, I am in serious need of fun, believe me).  I almost fainted when he agreed.
So, I went into town and bought the aforementioned wig and I thought I looked quite good in it, although it swamped my petite frame a little. Lila thought it was hilarious and said I looked like Barbie, but my mum thought it looked good. "I always wanted you to have hair like a girl," she'd said, stroking the wig. "I do have hair like a girl, when I've not been scalped," I'd replied and she then said that she hated the 'punky' look I normally have. I told her it was modern and that all the cool journos wore their hair like that, but now she'd seen my Rapunzelesque look she wanted me to stay that way. I was half considering it, until the experiement...

The first thing I did was to go for a walk into town wearing it. I had men wolf-whistling and staring at me until their eyeballs almost exploded. What a load of pervs! Some of them were old enough to be my grandad. I then went to the cinema with Ella. She had a laugh when she saw me and I did feel jealous of her lovely red bob as I munched on my popcorn. I was starting to get into the movie when popcorn kept hitting the back of my head. Eventually, I'd had enough and I turned round to confront the culprit, expecting it to be some teenage yobbo, but it was a man, about thirty, who just smiled and winked at me. That was when I decided to leave the cinema, dragging Ella with me. We both went to the pizza parlour for some tea and the waiters kept bringing us extra bits and pieces such as tacos, salads and even a free bottle of wine. This had never happened before. The wig did have some benefits, I suppose.

On Thursday I borrowed Erin's Mum's dog and dressed in my scruffiest tracksuit and trainers, devoid of make-up, with my wig pulled back into a ponytail. Again, men in cars beeped while their eyes popped out of their heads. Another man walking a dog, stopped to ask me about Petal (the dog I was walking) and I pretended I was her owner and the lech asked me out, but I refused because he was old enough to be my dad.  I was getting annoyed with all the attention the wig was getting me.

On Friday I went out for a Chinese with Lila. She'd sent her hubby back to America. He'd finally gotten the message that she was over him. He agreed to file for divource. She obviously didn't see in him, what we all saw in him - total gorgeousness and a lovely, kind, personality. He didn't have the money to go with it, though. And that was always Lila's top priority. Lila's pretty and we usually get plenty of attention when we are in the Chinese but this time the waiters were saying, "Who's your friend?" to her (meaning me!). They see me all the time. I was starting to get annoyed. I felt like ripping the wig off my head and letting it go out by itself - it certainly attracted more attention in a week than I'd managed in twenty-three years.

Today I have folded it up and placed it back into the box. I was going to sell it online but something made me keep it. Who knows when I may need it again. It was fun, while it lasted but I want to go back to my usual ignore self. I'm quite looking forward to be able to walk down the street without a second glance, although my shaved head may still attract some looks (mostly of digust, but still).

I concluded, from this experiment, that men do prefer blondes - but not just any man, pervs mostly. And I didn't have more fun being blonde, although I did get a lot more free stuff when I went out. It's back to black for me. I will catch up with you all next week, but until then...


Callie signing of

xxx

Shaved head Saturday

Hi guys,

I have been hibernating this past week. I went into work on Monday and it was horrible without Nick. My boss hardly speaks to me, anyway, and this week he hardly acknowledged me at all, except to tell me that I had to go to the local primary school to speak to a teaching assistant who has found a new way to teach children to read. I went along, hoping that this would be the start of something big, because if she had, in fact, found something unique, which really worked, then surely my article would be picked up nationally, because this sort of thing is in the news a lot lately. It turned out that she hadn't been doing anything original, at all. Her strategy involved getting magnetic letters and asking children to put them together to make words that "sound right". She said that if children realized they needed both consontants and vowels to make a word, then they were on their way to reading and understanding language. Erin is a teaching assistant and she's been doing something similar for the past six months. As far as I'm aware, this is the norm. It was a total waste of time. And if that wasn't bad enough, a five-year old boy decided to splash green paint all over my new tweed trousers.

On Tuesday, I was watching one of those makeover shows and I realized that I hadn't had my hair cut for a while. I usually like to wear it short and funky but it had grown out, recently and was looking a little boring. So, the next day I booked an appointment with my regular hairdresser, Sam. She's been doing my hair for over 5 years now. Before that, I had a male hairdresser, Alan. He was great, but he got a job on a cruise ship and so I had two disastrous haircuts before finding Melissa, who used to do a great messed-up look, but she got pregnant and so I had another disastrous cut and colour before finding Sam. I used to dread the thought of Sam getting pregnant or leaving the country but after Thursday's disaster I don't care what happens to her.

Sam knows me well. She knows exactly what cut I have and she's been doing it, without asking, for all the time I've been going there. Sometimes, she'd ask me if I wanted to try something different but I'd always shake my head. She didn't ask on Thursday; she just took out her scissors and started cutting away, as usual, asking me about my love-life. Then, without me even noticing, she managed to get hold of a razor and shave half my head! Usually, when hairdressers get the mirror and show me the back of my head I just nod, because I don't see the point of it really, but when she did it on Thursday and I saw my scalp I just screamed. The front of my head wasn't much better, either. I look horrible. I'm glad Nick has left. I wouldn't want him seeing me looking like something like Demi Moore in Gi Jane, or whatever it was called.

Here is my new look:

As you can see, this is a man. I look like a man!! It is gonna take ages to grow. Why did she do it? What possessed her? I think I will need to invest in a wig. In the meantime, I've been wearing one of those big crocheted headbands with a bow on it. At least then people will know I'm a a girl.

I will be staying in tonight (for obvious reasons) and probably for the rest of my life; well, until my hair grows anyway. The worst thing was, that I actually paid for the cut! What else could I do? I think I was so shocked that she'd actually scalped me that there was nothing else I could do.

Anyway, I hope you are all having great hair days and an enjoyable weekend so far,

Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx