Slobby Saturday

Hi all,

Hope you've had a great week. I think it's flew by. I started work on my first proper "article" that doesn't involve meeting weird people. I do miss weirdos but when there's nothing going on to write about I need to use my imagination. I got a load of great ideas from Lily when I was in New York. I have attached a copy of my first article to the bottom of this blog post so you can get an idea of what I've been up to.

Other news...Mum won £980 on the lottery on Wednesday and she is going to treat herself to a spa day. She said she might let me or Lila come with her, but I bet she chooses Lila because she lives at home. I need it more than Lila, though. I have a stressful job and my skin keeps breaking out into these horrible teenage spots (I thought I'd grown out of that sort of thing) while Lila looks as though she's just stepped off the cover of Cosmo.

I haven't seen much of Ella because she's been so busy with work. She's always "on call". I don't know why she does that job- she's got no social life. I, on the other hand, have no social life because I've got friends who don't want to do anything! Erin is still loved-up with her geeky teacher guy and she's dumped her friends and even though Lila and I have had our differences lately, I can't even go out with her because she's always with her new fella. I may as well join a nunnery. I've decided, instead, that a night school course might be the best way to meet new people and get myself a new social life. I can't decide between photography (might be useful for my job) or performing arts. I'll let you know once I've decided. The courses don't start until September so I've still got time to decide.

Oh well, it looks like another night in front of the telly with a glass of wine and a DVD. Boring! Although, I do like to slob out in my PJs once in a while.

Here is my latest article. If you aren't from the UK you might not have seen the realityTV show "The only way is Essex" and all I can say is 'You are so lucky'. Hope you enjoy.

IF THE ONY WAY IS ESSEX THEN LET ME OFF NOW!

I don't want to offend anyone who loves this show but...I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
The main reason I hate it so much is because of the people and the worst part is that I know they aren't characters - I hate some of the new characters in Eastenders, but I know they are actors and I'm supposed to hate them. The people in this show are real people (or so they claim) and it is the women who are ruining my life. Ever since this show has hit our screens I have noticed clones of these women wandering around the High Street. They all look the same with their orange tans and their long dyed-black hair. Their faces are plastered in make-up and they waltz around in short, tight dresses and high heels. I just feel as though I don't fit in anymore and I'm sure these women look at me and think I am some sort of weirdo for choosing to wear my hair short and spiky and for walking around in doc martens, baggy jeans and tie-dyed tops. I hate the way they turn their noses up at me, acting all superior. It must cost them a fortune, too, to maintain that look with all the fake tan and the hair extensions and designer clothes. I think this program is a bad influence and the world is now being overrun with replicas like some sort of dodgy sci-fi zombie movie. I have nightmares about these "false" women making zombie noises and surrounding me so I can't escape...I scream but no sound comes out and they try to insert hair extensions in me and make me wear high heels -aggghhh! All I want to say to my readers, is this...there is nothing wrong with being yourself. You don't have to get a fake tan and hair extensions and plaster yourself in make-up to look good and if some daft TV show makes you think that you have to do this to be considered "normal" then maybe you should start watching something else. I certainly will be.

Zombie Clone

Me

See how different we are? I will never be like a zombie clone and I hope my readers won't either. Be happy with who you are. Sayin that, the zombie clone looks like Lila, lol. She will probably have a go at me when she reads this in the paper next week .Anyway, I'm going to sign off now and go and get myself a DVD. Until next time,

Callie signing off

xxx

Sleepy Saturday

Hi guys

I am so tired today after the hectic week I've had. I got some excting news - Lily's coming over and she will be staying with me. My boss agreed that it was only fair to invite her over to see the way we do things. I am so looking forward to it. There isn't that much for me to show her but she's never been to England so I suppose she will enjoy it all the same.

Lila also had some exciting news - she has got a steady boyfriend - although the word "boy" doesn't really apply here because he is 55 years old. Considering she is only twenty-one, the age difference is quite big and I don't understand it - but, what can I say. She met him on that website but they kept in touch and they fell in love (him with her looks and her with his money probably). I know I'm being a bit skeptical, but honestly! first she marries the first man she meets and now she's dating somebody almost as old as Dad! My parents aren't pleased, either. Lila does what she wants without caring about anyone else, though and she really doesn't care less what we all think. I met him on Thursday when she invited us all out for tea. He was quite good-looking for his age and did look a lot younger, but that's not the point. They don't seem to have anything in common at all!

Not much else has happened - oh, except for I got a tax rebate and bought myself a new smartphone so I might be able to update more regularly (when I find out how to work it - I'm not the most technical person!).

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your weekend and until next time...

Callie signing off

xxx

Chilled-out weekend

Hi all

I hope you are all enjoying the weekend. I had a great Easter. Mum got me a huge mini eggs egg that I've only just finished today. It was so gorgeous and almost as big as my head. She got Lila one too, but because she is "watching her weight" (dunno why - she's thinner than I am!) she gave her egg to me. Even though I'm not speaking to her at the moment I accepted - I mean, come on - it's chocolate!

I went to Ella's last week and we had a good laugh. She said that she's missed her nights out with the girls. I told her that it was partly her fault that the nights out stopped and that every time she gets a boyfriend she dumps her mates. This nearly caused an argument, but, in the end, she had to agree that she had been spending a little too much time with her ex and that was partly what caused their breakup - boredom. They say familiarity breeds contempt and, in this instance, that is exactly what happened. Ella told me that the last straw was when she caught him staring at her, in a weird and not at all flattering way. She'd asked him what he was staring at and he told her that he thought she was putting on weight and that it was probably a good idea to stop eating so many take-outs. I almost spat out my wine when she told me this. How dare he be so shallow? I never liked him anyway, but this was outrageous. "I hope you told him where to go," I'd said and she told me that she was so shocked, at first, that she actually asked him where he thought she was gaining weight and he told her that her bum was getting a little "lardy" OUTRAGEOUS!!! Fortunately, once he'd said this, Ella had gone to the fridge, taken out a cream cake, shoved it all in her mouth and then told him to "Get lost!"

Great stuff. This is why we're such good friends...And why we're probably both still single! But, listen ladies, no matter how lardy we get, if men don't like us for ourselves then what's the point. There is gonna be a time, when no matter how many sit-ups we do, or how many cakes we turn down, that our bodies are just gonna age and give up anyway, so I, for one, want to be with a guy who doesn't care when this eventually happens (I'm not planning on it happening too soon. That's why I go running and to the gym, after all). It's a shame for Ella, though, because in her line of work, she is so stressed out that she is constantly shoving sweet treats into her mouth and she also seems to be constantly working and when she isn't she's too exhausted. She won't get another job either, because she said that she won't be able to pay her mortgage if she did.

Oh well, my job's just as boring as usual. I went to see that old woman who claimed to be the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe. I asked her how she "knew" this and she said that she'd gone for hypnotherapy for her arthritis and she ended up regressing to when she was Marilyn. She told me that her therapist was so excited she'd written down dates and everything. I thought it would be fun to humour her and so I asked her if she did commit suicide or if there was a conspiracy with the Kennedies. She told me that this information was personal and now that she was dead she didn't think she should be talking about it. Oh well, it was worth a try. I am attaching the photo I used for my article. Do you see any similarities? She reckons she still has Marilyn's looks and that, even when she was younger, people used to say she looked like her. It sounds more like an obsession than a real reincarnation, although, I would love to find real proof, one day.

Marilyn                            Mrs X

I suppose there are some similarities, I guess. Anyway, I am on my way out to Mum's now. It's Lila's birthday and so I guess I have to make an effort. I bought her a bottle of DKNY. I was going to buy her some choccies (because I know she would give them back to me, lol) but I thought that would be a bit too cruel.

Anyway, enjoy your week ahead and until next time...

Callie signing off

xxx

Happy Easter

Hi guys,

Hope you are all ok and looking forward to the Easter weekend. I know some of you don't celebrate Easter, but, even if you don't, I hope you all have a great weekend, anyway.

I will update you on my life, the past couple of weeks. I have finally gotten over the jetlag and have started running again. I will be doing the race for life and so I'm practising as often as I can. I was going to do the London marathon, but I'm not fit enough for that, so I will aim to do this next year.

Let's talk about New York..I absolutely loved it. Lily, my hostess, works for a little local newspaper and her role is part agony aunt, part columist. She is very ambitious and hopes to work for a global magazine like Marie Claire or Vogue. She loves fashion, but would prefer Marie Claire, because she likes to write about other things and Vogue is all about fashion.

Anyway, she has this lovely loft apartment overlooking China town and we went to get Chinese food almost every night. I love Chinese food, especially anything in sweet and sour sauce. Lily prefers the spicier options, which she washes down with pints of beer. We love the same music and she, too, has a lousy love-life. Her last boyfriend turned gay. I told her that he was probably gay all along, but she was convinced that it was her fault. I didn't ask why! One night we went to this weird nightclub. I felt a little underdressed in my spotted ra-ra skirt, lacy leggings and cropped top; most of the clientele were wearing bras and knickers or leather suits with studded belts. I asked Lily why she'd brought me to such a weird place, but she said she went there all the time, because it was the "in" place. The music was mostly unsigned indie acts and the drinks were weird concotions of all the colours of the rainbow. I only had one glass of a drink named "Kiss" and I was wobbling all over the place. Lily is so cool, though. She didn't sway once. Two guys came over. One of them (the one talking to Lily) was kind of cute, in a weird sort of way. He wore tight leather trousers and a fisherman's vest. (my gaydar was on overdrive - Lily didn't suspect a thing, though) and the one who was talking to me was a little less handsome, but more normal in terms of dress sense. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looked as out of place as I did. His name was Lawrence and he was a student at the local Uni. He was reading politics (boring!) He was ok. We had a good dance and a little kiss at the end of the night, but that was as far as it went. He kept asking about the coalition and as I don't understand and don't like politics, there was no future in that relationship. He will probably end up being president now! Oh well. Lily ended up snogging leather pants but I told her that he was probably gay too and so she didn't take his phone number.

Dating in New York is weird too. Lily tells me that you don't really have a proper boyfriend until you're sure you want to keep seeing them. At one point, she was dating several men at the same time and they were all dating several women. The way it goes is, that you eliminate the ones you aren't getting on with, until you end up with one and then you become steady. Lily's problem is that the ones she wants to go steady with have already decided to eliminate her. Sounds way too complicated for me. Here in England, we meet someone, decide they're half-decent and end up dating them for a while. Sometimes, people see more than one person at the same time, but this is frowned upon and is called cheating. I have never dated more than one person at the same time; mostly because I find it hard to find even one person who wants to date me. I know, I know, there was that small situation with Nick and Scott, but I didn't see them both at once, did I? It was a one-off.

Lila has been up to her old tricks again.  I went around to Mum's last Wednesday and she was getting some money out of her purse and I noticed she had a new handbag with a small leather dog hanging from it - a Radley bag! How can she afford that on her receptionist's salary? I confronted her but she just said that she had spent all of her first week's wages on it. I don't believe her. Most people get paid monthly nowadays. I bet she is still seeing some of those older men.

Work has been boring this week. Compared to America, my little town is so small and uneventful. I am going to see an old lady, next week, who claims she is the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe - should be interesting but if it is anything like the Elvis reincarnation I met months ago, it will be a disappointment.

I am going around to Ella's tonight. She has dumped her fella and organized a girls' night in. We are having, yet more, Chinese food and a girly gossip. She invited Lila and Erin too. I told her that if Lila was going I wouldn't be going and Erin is still loved-up so it will just be me and her. I am looking foward to it.

I hope I get some Easter eggs tomorrow. I love chocolate. I read an article in the Daily Mail, recently, that said chocolate keeps you thin. Great news. Enjoy and until next time...

Callie signing off

xxx